As part of her community service, Lindsay Lohan
will have to work in a morgue.
QUICKLY now! A prize to the first person who returns with an original high-quality YouTube mash-up that places Lindsay in an episode of CSI: Miami with David “I can’t stop taking my fucking sunglasses off!” Caruso.
The headline of their third most read story at present?
Spider-Man Splits with Mary Jane, Wife of 20 Years
Talk about burying the lead. They kind of missed the boat on what pissed off fans about “One More Day”, and reacted like “Oh well, they broke up.” When I first clicked the headline, I totally thought that they would have been running something like …
Spider-Man Implicated in Marriage-for-Health Scheme
or
Spider-Man: Hero, Menace, or Devil Deal-Maker?
or
Liberal Vigilante Dumps Soap Opera Trollop for Old Woman
or
Spidey and Mary Jane: How It’s Hillary’s Fault
Funny that I mention this the other day . . . only for Katharine McPhee to get dropped from her label (RCA) too. It’s interesting; in her case I’d say that this is less endemic to talent or visual appeal than it is to the fact that the labels just seem to want a quick buck from the Idol kids. They’re willing to sign these gift-wrapped acts, ride ‘em for a year or so, then kick ‘em out if they don’t immediately post five million sales.
That’s actually one of the most significant problems with the whole recording industry. There’s no patience, room for growth, or attention-span for artist development. Combine that with alternative delivery systems (iTunes, MySpace, etc.) and file-sharing . . . it’s no wonder that the labels are freaked. They used to control the horizontal and the veritcal of what became a hit. Now . . . they have no idea what’ll catch on. It’s darkly humorous, and it’s only a matter of time before their lumbering antiquity vanishes.
Twenty bucks says the Republican party laughs hysterically at this photo.
On other matters, Kerry, shown in close-up below . . .
. . . has indeed decided that neither Obama, nor the other Democratic candidates, are, in fact, orcs.
FBI wiretaps have been suspended because they haven’t paid their phone bills.
The FBI now plan to move in with their Aunt May to save money.
Get the fuck outta here!
Turns out that the Spears family believes that Dr. Foghorn Leghorn violated their trust.
Quite frankly, I would have been more worried about who was violating my daughters. But hey, to each their own. Joking aside, I do believe that Dr. Phil committed a serious couple of serious ethical breaches here, both by publically discussing his advisement of Spears and by attempting to turn her pathetic situation into a show after he had become personally involved. We all know that the media is a circus and that Britney has the spotlight, but Dr. Phil is sinking pretty low to shove her into his personal Gabba-Gabba section for the sake of a ratings spike.
I will give him one bit of credit: he’s never recommended the lynching of Tiger Woods. That’s gotta count for something.
So, Taylor Hicks lost his contract with J Records. Is anyone really surprised by this? All right, aside from the clutch of older, irony-challenged white ladies that took the name “Soul Patrol” and fans of arrhythmic, spasmodic dancing, is anyone else really surprised by this?
UPDATE: In the fifteen minutes since I posted the above bit, I’ve received two emails asking me if I hate everything about American Idol. Let me think . . .
No. I do not hate everything about American Idol.
As announced here and elsewhere, this year’s Golden Globes ceremony has been cancelled due to the effects of the WGA strike.
By this point, when the networks have begun to import shows from their cable nets over to the big channels, and CBS is so desperate that they’re doing to butcher “Dexter” reruns to show on regular TV, shouldn’t the producers give just a little more thought to the morass that they’ve helped to make?
I know that there are still people who blame the writers, but the bottom line of the bottom line is this: if you write professionally, you should get paid. And until they figure out a proper way to pay writers for DVDs and digital media in the same way that they pay other talent, then this strike needs to go forward.
Sidenote: Kudos to Letterman for figuring out a way to make a deal to get ALL of his people back to work. People still talk about the Late Night Wars, but Dave won the class war a long time ago.
I guess I shouldn’t call this my “new” annoyance, as it’s bugged me for a while. It’s just that I’ve started to see it more and more as of late. Really, it’s just an outgrowth of the fact that a lot of people who post online don’t think before doing it.
To whit: Why on Earth would you read an entertainment or gossip story from an entertainment or gossip section, and then post a comment complaining that the outlet ran an entertainment or gossip story?
I largely see this at AOL. People will read the latest about Britney Spears and her kids or Britney and her knocked-up sister or Britney and white trash or whatever, and then post to bitch that THIS was covered while soldiers are dying in Iraq.
First thing: if you want to read about Iraq, AOL news probably isn’t your best bet. If you want to read about Iraq, don’t click on an item about Britney. If you want to read about Iraq, go somewhere other than the entertainment section.
You know what I don’t see? People posting under box scores and game wrap-ups that they would rather read about Iraq. You know why? Because some people are smart enough to know that when you go to the sports section, you find sports.
It’s this simple: if you don’t want to read about that type of thing, DON’T READ IT. If you read it and complain, you’re a hypocrite. If you read and go back to read more, you’re part of the problem.
So take some time, show some restraint, and don’t read it. And for God’s sake, don’t post to complain if you do.
Yes, it’s that good.
If you listen carefully, you can hear a million Batman fans all over the country weeping openly. Tears of joy, mind you.
Happy Holidays indeed.
You like to laugh, right? Funny IS good, is it not?? Then watch NBC’s 30 Rock starting TONIGHT! Easily the best comedy on TV right now, it’s hurting for viewers, at least in the current network climate, and it could use the help. STAND UP AND BE COUNTED FOR QUALITY TELEVISION COMEDIES!!!
We’re mere hours away from the Big Show, the 10,000 lb. gorilla of the genre fan universe, the San Diego Comic-Con International. Already, news outlets have lined up to either pay homage (as several respectful articles have already done, acknowledging the show as a pop culture force) or make fun of guys in stormtrooper outfits. In the past, I’ve mainly gone to shows to either a) promote Shotgun or b) cover stuff for various outlets, like Newsarama.
This year, I’ll be doing a version of bizarre triple-duty. Mainly, I’ll be working the booth for Fangoria Comics, where I was recently made Associate Editor. That booth is going to be a good time; we’re teamed up with Shocker Toys and Vampira: The Movie in a multi-booth spread that will feature signings from the likes of Michael Madsen and Ken Foree (that’s right! The guy who said, “When there is no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the Earth!”). We probably won’t be announcing my book yet, but that day should be coming soon.
I’ve just learned that Mike Acton died. I’d known him since first grade. He was the drummer for Ravenous Doorknobs and Icicle Thieves, two bands with which long-time readers should be familiar. I hadn’t seen Mike much in recent years, but he was present for some memorable times and significant moments in my own life. He is survived by his son, Cody, his parents, his brother and sister and their families, and his friend and companion Di Sutter. Our condolences and best wishes go out to them all. I’ll talk more about Mike when I am able; sufficient to say that he always had the ability to make us laugh, and there are few better things that you can say about a person.
Some parents just need beaten with hammers.
Look, I’m a dad, and I know that kids freaking out in a restaurant can be a) mortifying, and b) totally annoying to the other customers. Fortunately, my kids have historically been really, really good in public. Connor is usually quite content to play with a toy or color, and he’s a great eater. Kyle at this point pretty much just kicks back in the car seat and chews on things.
There was one time that Connor lost it. We were at Applebee’s, and our server was the slowest human I think I’ve ever encountered. He was hungry, he was antsy, and he melted. He recovered about two minutes later when something he could eat finally arrived, but that was a very looooooong two minutes. I know it can be irritating.
But still. To descend to the level of abject cruelty described in the article . . . those people already have issues. It reminds me of the wise statement from “Parenthood”, delivered by Keanu Reeves; paraphrased, it runs, “They’ll make you get a license to drive a car or catch a fish, but they’ll let anybody have a kid.”
Paris Hilton to be housed in “special needs section” of jail.
Three words on this revelation:
No.
Fucking.
Shit.