If you listen carefully, there’s a little bonus music for fans of In Through the Out Door.

Animal rights activists are endangering us all. First they tried to stop the necessary slaughter of elephants in South Africa, and now they are throwing a fit about the culling of bison in Yellowstone. We cannot have these giant mammals roaming unchecked, breeding at will–they will destroy us. How can these activists in good conscience promote the growth of an enemy animal terrorist army? Evidence of the animal conspiracy is all around us.

Though this bit of hilariousness is by no means a new Internet item, I thought I would share it with other readers, like myself, who discover these phenomenon a little later than everyone else does.

If you can think of it, this man has probably destroyed it. Check out the other videos here.

Betty Boop, Bimbo, and Cab Calloway star in “Minnie the Moocher”

What were the animators smoking when they came up with this, and where can I get some?

Last week a good friend of mine, who occasionally moonlights as a writer, smugly told me to “get it together, sister” and learn to better edit the things I write. She basically implied, more or less, that if I were ever going to become a successful writer I would need to be free of spelling, typo, and grammatical errors. She then taunted me even more by stating that since I had my BA in English that I should, therefore, be a perfect self-editor and that any good writer – one who’s taken seriously and who makes an actual living as a writer - would be able to catch all their mistakes. So in essence she told me my frequently typo-ridden writing, regardless of form or content, was lacking and, basically, just so much crap under her superior shoe (or at least that’s how I took it in a moment of extreme sensitivity).

My first initial insane-o reaction was to pull all her hair out, tell her to F**K Off, and then leap out of the moving car and find comfort in a pint of ice cream. Instead I maturely (and boringly) told her that just because I majored in English it didn’t mean I knew everything there was to know about the degree and that editing my own mistakes has always been my biggest weakness (we have since smoothed things over and I can now appreciate her effort, if not her execution, in trying to help me be a better writer). Go figure! I accept it (despite the fact that I struggle each and every time I write something to make sure it is mistake free, but re-reading and re-re-reading and re-re-re-reading rarely leaves my writing error-free) and I have learned to embrace my shortcoming – even though I curse myself after something has been posted or printed with a glaring typo in it.

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I was driving through Illinois a little over a week ago, scanning through the radio stations in my little red car–you know, like you do when you’re staring at a four-hour drive. I heard Shawn Mullins’ “Lullaby” twice on the radio that day.

Shawn Mullins. Loathsome, thinks-his-smoky-voice-is-sexy, pitiful-excuse-for-a-song-writer Shawn Mullins. “Lullaby.” Twice on the radio. I haven’t heard that song in years. No mention of that hideousness or the man who spawned it since I was in middle school.

This can mean only one thing. The Apocalypse is nigh. This is a warning from the Lord God Almighty for those who can recognize it. He is displeased with us. Take heed.

(No offense if you happen to be a Shawn Mullins fan. But the end of the world is the end of the world.)

Forbes recently came out with it’s list of all the richest people (jerks) on the planet and stuck in that incredible group is 23rd year old self-made Billionarie (not Millionair people, Billionarie) Mark Zuckerberg.

For those not in the know Zuckerberg created Facebook; the super addictive, mega-popular, online social networking site. That darn site made him a freakin’ Billionarie! Can I be anymore jealous?

Geeze, at 23 I was working a low-paying job as a file clerk at some crappy law firm, going to school part-time without any idea on what I wanted to “be” when I grew up, living at home with my sister and parents, and driving a beat-up old car I was handed and forced to drive when I turned 17.

How it must be to be 23 and have the whole world in front of you! Congrats Mark Zuckerberg, you are living the American Dream!

You wake up in the middle of the night after having a dream in which you get into a very heated argument with a six foot tall Marvel Legends Lady Deathstrike figure over which one of you gets to use the bathroom first.

Why hello there Prince Eric! You never looked more delicious or lickable, and I simply adore your Ariel tattoo!! This cheeky artwork is courtesy of forward-thinking David Kawena and his underwear-tastic portfolio entitled, appropriately enough, Disney Heroes! Kawena’s gives each Disney Prince some much needed and welcome time in the spotlight striking some serious modely poses in their “unmentionables”! Eat your heart out David Beckham!  

Enjoy more of these sexy studlies here:  http://davidkawena.deviantart.com/gallery/#Disney-Heroes

Teen star Ashley Tisdale jumped the plastic surgery shark and got herself a nose job! Did she pull an Ashlee Simpson and vastly improve herself or is she the new Jennifer Gray, who made herself virtually unrecognizable?

Either way, the dear girl’s former schnoz is forever enshrined in plastic! Her High School Musical doll mockingly retains the gal’s former profile and serves as a stinging-ever-lasting reminder of her pre-altered, beaky self. Bummer!

Maybe next time lass you ought to check with Disney marketing before you go and get nipped and tucked!

Apparently you can kill elephants in South Africa again. As it turns out, the population has EXPLODED since the government banned the slaughter of these creatures in 1995, and the overpopulation is out of control. Who could’ve guessed that would happen?

Expectedly, the brains of animal rights activists everywhere shot out of their ears at this news. They are condemning the proclamation from the South African government, even though it has been made clear that elephant culls are to be used only when an elephant outbreak is endangering the surrounding landscape and human inhabitants and there are no other means of solving the issue.

But I fully support the culling of elephants in South Africa, and that is because of the great Animal Conspiracy (see Tim Bedore). Malicious carp are flying into the heads of fishermen everywhere. Beavers are chasing down innocent picnickers in parks across the world. Bears and squirrels are uniting to destroy us. There is a secret war being waged against us by the animal kingdom, and the only thing worse than a giant gray mammal that can crush your frail human body is  a lot of giant gray mammals that can crush your frail human body. They must be brought down.

I wonder what elephant steaks taste like.

Celebrities can be horrible role models, especially for teens that are very impressionable. Some may argue that celebrities never signed up to be role models; however they pursued a profession where their entire lives are in the spotlight. The crazier you are, the more coverage you get. Whether they signed up to be someone’s role model or not, celebrities are looked up to and emulated by many young people, and this is not good.            

One thing that many celebrities do best is promoting bad behavior. You cannot walk by a magazine stand without seeing a cover with a picture of a celebrity whose life has gone down the drain due to bad behavior. They are either drunk all the time even in public, being promiscuous, or insulting other groups of people, usually the minority. There are so many photos in magazines like “People” where celebrities are coming out of a nightclub completely intoxicated. This is not good for our youngsters. I know plenty of young people who think the only way to have a good time is to drink on the weekends and get trashed. Where are they getting this idea? One place is definitely celebrities. Teens are just trying to follow their lifestyle because they think celebs are cool. (more…)

Hieeeee! This is getting crazy! Famous blogger Perez Hilton posted a Superhero drawing I did of him on his website! Whoot! And gave me credit and posted a link to my very own indie comic site, www.sosuperduper.com! Whoa! Check it out:

http://perezhilton.com/2008-02-26-we-love-the-ladies-yes-you

I was also recently on local cable access show OUT Spoken a week ago and that video just made it onto Youtube! It’s not everyday you get interviewed by a drag queen about your indie comic book!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMbdAU5eJMQ

And finally my first paid writing assignment for a major magazine just hit the stands! I write a little humorous, very light, kinda cheesy piece in the March issue of Instinct magazine. It’s in the “Fluffer” section and it’s on the awesomeness that is the Hawaii Chair!

Sometimes I can’t believe my amazing luck!

This freakin’ fantastic painting of beloved doofus Homer Simpson, as if by classical artist Rembrandt, is beyond terrific! LOVE IT! Check out this and other wonderfully creative artwork at www.limpfish.com.

This video is soooo adorable and cute that I almost exploded on the sheer sweetness of it all!