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“My giant-sized teammate is fighting a mechanized version herself on the streets of downtown Tokyo… I’ve been preparing for this day my entire life!” Andrew Wells, Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season Eight #15.

Yet another column? My, I’m really serious about this catching-up business, ain’t I? Here I am with the column for comics published on the week of 06/04. Last column’s DT! was solved by Lt. Cmdr. Snakebyte, who correctly spotted that Fever was referring to “Vundabar”, but the speech balloon said “Vandabarr”, Badge for you, and you’re three badges away from being full Commander.
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“Pants, then spaceship. In that order.” Jaime Reyes (Blue Beetle III) escaping from an alien mothership, Blue Beetle V7 #24.

Still playing catch-up, here are the dissections for the comics released on the week of 02/27, which at least lets us finish with the month of February. That quote up there is one of the reasons I just love the current Blue Beetle book. But more on that later; on another topic, the DT! from last column was not found by any of my readers, so I will reveal it myself. The problem was that the General is not drawn as tall as he should, he should be several feet taller than Bronze Tiger, yet he’s just a couple of heads taller.
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“HHAAAAHH!! MAKES BALLS REVOLVE LIKE SPINNING DERVISHES…!” Vas, aka “Love Sausage”, former Soviet superhero, after taking a drink of his homebrewn booze, which, appropriately, has a skull and crossbones for label.

Well, sort of time this week, and let’s dive straight into this. Both Dominik B.and Miss Kitty Fantastico made the Dissect This! from last column, and it was of course the fact that the Wasp had wings at normal size; when she only has wings while shrunk. Badge for both of them! Rock-Me Amodeo added that 616 Wasp has experimented with retaining her wings as she grows back to full size, getting to keep them at some 54 inches tall, and also, her powers might work differently in the Ultimate universe, being a mutant, she could have also had a progression of her powers or a secondary mutation. That’s why it had a relatively low rating.
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Dissect: 2. to analyze and interpret minutely.

The Nitpicker doesn’t exist anymore, but as you can see, it’s not really gone, just renamed and with a new look. Now it’s called The Dissector, and that snazzy logo you see there was designed by my lovely and talented friend Nysie. Thank you Nysie, you now have the honorary rank of Admiral in the newly renamed Honorary Dissector Scout Corps… so it’s doubly honorary…
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“Whafukupmudafuka?” Pony Moore aka “Mushmouth”, meaning “How are you doing, Iron?”, in Iron And The Maiden #3.

Welcome to this week’s column, right on time, if I might say. That jewel up there is an example of exaggerated Ebonics, and I just loved the whole sequence where Pony’s dialogue is subtitled. Before letting you know what the picks are this week, I need to say that last column I had a nit called “”BART WHO? I’M JUST A STRIPPER WITH MY SKIN PAINTED ORANGE.”, about the Green Arrow-Black Canary Wedding special, where I mentioned that I only rated it as a 7 because I couldn’t see Starfire using her powers… well, I had another look at the issue and she is indeed seen flying around, flaming tamarafro blazing. So it goes up to a ten, which raises the average for that column to 6.1. Not much, but it needed to be said.
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“How does Batman keep his kid focused. Swear he drugs Robin’s water.” Christopher “Peacemaker” Smith, Blue Beetle V7 #19.

Well, here I am, struggling to finish this column and post it in time. Yes Dominik, I know I said I’d most likely have it up by Thor’s Day, but work’s been heavy…. So, straight into the Nitpicker’s Picks Of The Week, alright? The best book of the week (this is 09/26) was Green Arrow Year One issue five, almost close to resolution, is a great story by Andy Diggle which makes Ollie’s origin more believable, and Jock’s art is suitably rugged. Yes, the mini could have lasted three or four issues instead of six, but it’s still a good read.
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“That is, without a doubt, the nastiest tasting stuff I ever put in my mouth.” Wonder Girl II, Countdown #32.

“The British Museum. Last bastion of a lost empire. This is where we drew the line and said “fuck YOU, we’re not given it ALL back.”" John Constantine, Hellblazer #236.

So, when I say I’ll catch up, I really mean it. Here I am with the column about comics published on 9/26, which is where those quotes above come from. I had to have two quotes of the week this time around, because I love John Constantine’s cynism, and I love out of context quotes as well! Take that Wonder Girl! Not much to say this time around, except to dive straight into the Nitpicker’s Picks of the Week.
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The Nitpicker #40.

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“I’m fat, black, cranky, and menopausal! You do not want to mess with me!” Amanda Waller, Suicide Squad V3 #1.

I know, I failed you; I promised a double column for last week. I’ve been swamped with work, and even my house got flooded, so you’ll excuse me. I will catch up eventually, and you might even have, time permitting, three columns this week. This is the first one, you might get the second one in a couple of days, and then for thursday/friday you might get the one that would make me all caught up. We’ll see, hope you can understand if I can’t deliver.
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NOTE FROM THE PRESENT: You’ve read it above, this is a Retro Nitpicking, meaning that I’m treating you to one of my older columns, #3, this week because I won’t be able to write my usual column (but worry not, next week’s will be double). This here column is from the last week of November, 2005 (wow, the Nitpicker nears it’s second birthday!), and was originally published in the CBEM (where this column was born), in its 551st issue. Enjoy it, and never mind the looser standards I held myself in earlier days, and don’t bother pointing out my own spelling mistakes and such.
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“Tell my head wife I have love her head very much!” Head, in All New Atom #15, to which Panda Potter (aka Atom V) responds “She knows, Head. She knows.”

Man, can a David Bowie reference get me, or what? I say this because of the quote of the week, of course, from that delightfully excellent book that All New Atom is… but more on that later. Truth is that Xander Harris’ quote about Kurt Russell almost won first spot, but I decided this one was better, even more than Head’s “DEATH, DEATH, DEATH, DEATH!” in the same issue.

Sorry this column is late; but it’s been hectic at work, and I’m thinking next week’s will be late too, so be prepared. Last week’s STN was guessed basically at the same time by Dominik B. over at ICS, and Miss Kitty Fantastico at my blog. So, here’s a badge for each of you guys. Let’s see how you do this week, shall we?

One thing I’d like to tell you this week, is that I’ve decided to moderate my ratings. I’ve been too trigger happy on the Bazzars, when at first I only gave out ratings of 10 when things affected plot; then I began giving them out for repeated offenses; and then, just for anything that annoyed the hell out of me… Some things (like Beast’s feet) will keep getting a 10, but I’ll try to take it easy on some of the other stuff, as some of my readers have suggested. Thanks!

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“Is here Dali Planit. Dilivrees in reer or punch in face.” Sign outside the “Dayli” Planet on Bizarro World. Spelled with random mirrored letters, of course.

Welcome to our 38th issue, I’ll try to keep this intro short. The quote of the week was about the only thing I liked about Action Comics 855. In fact, this issue has all the Silver Age staples that should have stayed there, and it’s the Nitpicker’s Pick for worst book of the week. Bizarro, as a failed clone of Superman was ok; but now we again have the square planet and the entire population of the planet, including Bizarro Jimmy and Bizarro Lois. The elements like a Marlon Brando looking bearded Jor-El, the sunstones in the fortress, and all that, which were palatable in limited doses in the previous storyline by Geoff Johns and Richard Donner, plus other things like Bizarro World, all work together to create a tale which is too reminiscent of Silver Age silliness.
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“From the state of ridiculously tall and gorgeous amazons with perfect skin. Alba-chusetts, West Jessicabiel-burg. Stupid Alba-chussets.” Brenda Del Vecchio, Blue Beetle V7 #18.

“You know, I thought I’d have a lot more fun if I ever got to say this… That’s no Moon…”Henry “Beast” McCoy, Astonishing X-Men V2 #22.

“Super-friction, Brainiac. Super-friction creates static electricity. Super-static-electricity creates… Shakkaboom. (…) My dream, my rules, you clockwork moron.” Superman, Superman V1 #666.

Yes, the quote of the week is actually three quotes. Why? Because I say so, because they were all too cool to pass upon! Welcome to this week’s Nitpicker, were I take the magnifying glass to last week’s releases, and burn them like ants terrorized by a future psycho killer. With forty six nits in this issue, we’ve got some tasty morsels and a lot of collaborations from HNS members. I love getting reports of stuff I missed, or from books I don’t normally read. So keep those e-mails and comments coming!
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“This is Gotham! You can’t swing a dead sidekick here without hitting a super-villain!”

Before I get on with his column, I want to do something I should have done in last column, but since some days had already passed, it slipped my mind. I want to dedicate this week’s columns to Mike Wieringo, who left in the prime of his life. He was a great artist, and I particularly enjoyed his Spider-Man and Flash. You’ll be missed, Mike. More on Wieringo’s passing here, and check out this moving tribute piece my friend Trasgo made for Wieringo, featuring Impulse and the Thing grieving for the artist.
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“Look at the Concorde: you used to be able to cross the Atlantic in three hours flat. Then the cunts stuck the future in a museum.”

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Sorry for missing out last week, so this week you’ll get a double ration of The Nitpicker. I was sick, and didn’t spend much time at the computer, plus all my notes were at my office computer, so, I wouldn’t have been able to write this even if I wanted. The quote of the week comes from last week’s The Boys #9, by Garth Ennis, and it comes from the mouth of Billy Butcher. It reflects that sentiment I’ve told you about that I have about progress and science.
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“Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the origin of the Italian footballer.”

Welcome to this week’s installment of the Nitpicker, much fun awaits you in this column. From now on, the quote of the week will be up there, where you see it. This week’s jewel comes from Warren Ellis’ Crécy, and was uttered by an unnamed English longbowman, speaking about the French-paid Genoese crossbowmen running away from battle. Good book, educational and gory, and it’s in fact, the Nitpicker’s Pick Of The Week for best book. Warren Ellis masterfully adapts this page of history, with great art from Raulo Cáceres; art that reminds me of European comics like Judge Dredd or Torpedo 1936. Well, even if it’s published by Avatar Press, Warren Ellis being British, and Cáceres being Spanish virtually makes this a European comic, with the story’s subject and the aesthetics and storytelling formulas used making it even more so.

Ellis shows here some of his usual mannerisms as writer, which you can see in even his more “mainstream” work, such as Thunderbolts, but this is an unequivocally pro-English book, perhaps with a hint of irony on how the United Kingdom was built. The device of having the narrator (an English longbowman, the same who uttered the quote of the week) speak to the reader, and do so with language and knowledge that wasn’t available in his time, makes for a very intimate reading on what should be a horrible moment of history. This is one of the bloodiest battles of history, one that changed the face of warfare forever, and still, you feel like you’re talking to one of your friends… sorry, mates.

And Cáceres’ art (check out his gallery) painstakingly depicts the armors, weapons, and every other single detail of this book, while providing relatable facial expressions and gory (yes I mentioned that it’s a gory book already, I know) battles, as real battles should be shown in comics. It kind of reminds me of how battles are depicted (I seem to love that word, don’t I?) in the movie “The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc”: bloody, and deadly. All this said, I must say again that it is a great adaptation of the story that battle; do like I did and read up on the Battle of Crécy before reading the comic and you’ll enjoy it even more.

So now it’s turn for the worst book of the week, and that’s gonna fall to Metal Men #1. Duncan Rouleau weaves a confusing plot, perhaps intentionally so, but still boring; with art that is supposed to be retro, but has too much of a manga flavor to accomplish that goal of a retro feel. I don’t have much more to say about it, I just didn’t like it at all. On an unrelated note, and speaking of stuff that sucked big time, remember that horrible Question mask on last week’s Countdown? Well, this is a message for the penciller and colorist of that issue, Manuel García and Thomas Chu. This is how you draw and color Renee Montoya as the Question:

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