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“I’ve been a thief. A goddess. An X-Man. And a queen. And yet, somehow, I always end up in a sewer under New York City.” Storm, X-Men: Worlds Apart #01.

I know, I could have caught up, but I slacked. Blame it on a lot of work at my job… These are the dissections for comics published on the week of 10/15, which means we’re almost caught up. There was no DT! last column, so the Dissector’s Picks Of The Week are as follow: Best Book Of The Week was Legion Of Three Worlds #2, which was just fan-tas-tic! Worst Book Of The Week was Casey Blue: Beyond Tomorrow #6; last issue of a pointless miniseries.
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“Spider-Man, I can, and will, remove your ability to speak.” Doctor Strange, Avengers/Invaders #05.

Welcome to the column for comics released on 10/08; let’s start by giving a badge to the Guvnor; since he cracked the DT! from last time. In this case, the problem was that the football (yes, football, not soccer) player is said to have been purchased from “Rio Plate”… the team (teams, actually, one from Uruguay, and one from Argentina) is called “River Plate”. It’s actually a bad translation of “Rio de la Plata”; an estuary that divides Uruguay and Argentina, meaning “river of the silver”.
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“Urghhhh I think I’ll stick to the old-fashioned, undesigned drugs, the ones that come in a glass.” John Constantine, Hellblazer Presents: Chas-The Knowledge #4.

Nice and quick; this is the column for comics released on 10/01. The DT! from last column wasn’t cracked; and it was the fact that the sign on the vehicle was in English, instead of Interlac; the language used in the Legion’s era.
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“Zombie monkeys! Riding dinosaurs! With JETPACKS! ON MARS! Contents may change prior to publication.” Ambush Bug: Year None #3, “next in” blurb.

This will be the shortest column ever, and not a pretty one either… So I open my folder for the week of 09/24, and find only three books there, and after what I call “the culling” (the process where I go through my notes and check which dissections are actually incorrect and which I have to discard because they’re not mistakes) I end up with only two books to write up. Well, one of them is Zorro, so that guarantees the minimum amount of dissections for one column… but should I still make use of my vault? Nah, sorry, even if this column is boring, it does help me catch up quickly.
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“Innocents in peril are the opiate of the masks.” The Joker, Birds Of Prey V2 #122.

Here we are, with the column for books released on 09/17, taking us halfway into the month of September, and almost, almost caught up. I’ll start with a new retraction; turns out the German in Secret Invasion: X-Men was correct, although “biblical” in style. Thus, the average for last column changes, going up to 7.5 Bazzars. Thanks to Dominik for pointing this out, he earns himself another badge.
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“Think Sadie. Think… What would the Beastie Boys do? SABOTAGE, BABY!” Sadie Hawkings, Young Liars #7.

Here we are with the column for comics released on the week of 09/10; I’ll start by apologizing, since I was wrong. The DT! is dissection at all… I thought the verb “to lie” was being used incorrectly. My bad; and the average actually goes down to 3.5…
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“When I was a kid, Nick Fury was a white man! It’s so amazing that he finally evolved into something that makes sense to me. But don’t worry. See? You too can grow up to be a black man!” Samuel L. Jackson, Wizard Magazine #204.

Welcome to the first column for comics from September; specifically for comics released on 09/04. Thanks to Sully for cracking the DT! from last column; the woman claims to be the SRA union rep for Jackpot, but the SRA is a law, not an organization. In any case, she’d be Jackpot’s Fifty State Initiative union rep.
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“She was like John Rambo meets Polly Pocket.” Kick-Ass, about Hit-Girl, Kick-Ass #4.

Welcome to a new column; last one for the month of August; about comics released on 08/27. First of all, another badge for Dominik; he spotted the DT!, Vixen was indeed not wearing her Tantu Totem. Two more badges and you make Commander, Dominik.
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“Jason’s problem is his insecurity– he’s the Jan Brady of the Bat-family. (and yes, I know that makes me Cindy)” Tim Drake, about Jason Todd, Robin V2 #177.

With that sense of humor, you can’t ever be Batman, Timmy Drake…. Welcome to the column about comics released on 08/20, and I’d like to apologize to Snakebyte for forgetting to credit him last week for spotting the fact that I had written “July” instead of “August”. Speaking of Snakebyte, he also got the DT! from last column immediately; the Xavier mansion looked nothing like it should. So that’s two badges for him; three more and he makes Captain!
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The Dissector #88.

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“Zombie Vs Zombie!” Only one can survive! Though technically, NEITHER HAS! Swee, Everybody’s Dead #4.

Well, here I am. Still trying to catch up; this is the column for comics released on 08/13, and we inch a bit closer to… well, comics are still coming out, so nothing. Last column’s DT! was spotted by The Guvnor, and it was indeed the fact that Wolverine’s eyes are supposed to be blue, not brown. The Dissector’s Picks Of The Week? Short and simple, Best Book Of The Week was Atomic Robo: The Dogs Of War #1; WWII and Atomic Robo? YES! Worst book of the week was The Last Defenders #6; a boring end to a boring mini. Now, read them dissections: (more…)

The Dissector #87.

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“Four hundred years have passed, and they’re still a foul, ugly nation of drunks. Too stupid and inbred to see themselves as the narrow-minded plebs that they are.” The demon Tuma’el about the English, Hellblazer Presents: Chas - The Knowledge #2.

Now, you’ll forgive the somber note, but I didn’t want to start this column without sending my prayers to Jim H. and his family. Jim, a former writer for ICS.net is in serious condition (formerly critical, so at least he’s getting better) in the hospital, after being stabbed thirteen times by a lowlife. You can read the whole story here, but the short version is that Jim was at a club with his wife when they saw a guy get rough on a girl, so he jumped to her defense, driving the scumbag away. When they left the club some time later, he was ambushed by the guy and a friend; and while Jim could subdue the first bastard, the other one stabbed him numerous times. They’re now in police custody and awaiting trial; I really hope Jim gets better.
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“To look into this, I’ll need to create a new field of human endeavor. Give me a couple of days.” Mr. Fantastic, Fantastic Four: True Story #1.

Mein Gott, this column has been on hold for a lot of time! I had to stop writing this particular issue days ago; when it was almost finished. Let’s see; last column’s DT! was spotted by DrSilent first at the ICS.net, but I didn’t say anything on the comments at my blog, so Lucas Siegel also guessed it, and I’m giving the badge to both. DrSilent is one badge away from being a Lieutenant, quite a fast rise for someone who’s only been in the Honorary Dissector Scout Corps for the last two or three columns; and let us welcome Ensign Lucas Siegel to the Corps!
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“But I can touch you… in a special way.” Red Ghost simian against Wakandan troops.

Welcome to yet another installment of The Dissector; this time for the comics released on the week of 07/23. I have to start, sadly, with a bad news. Those who follow my column know that I’m very fond of, and have been inspired by cartoonist Jeremy Rizza’s humor/comics/fashion blog Blockade Boy; which, unfortunately, he has decided to end. The link will stay on my blog’s sidebar; and I encourage all of you to go and read back on his pasts, since it’s very funny and also shows a great knowledge of comics. Since Blockade Boy is no more; I also recommend you check his upcoming webcomic Viking Zombie Boyfriend, which starts today.
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“Tch. We’re gods, Hercules. Our ancestors mated with everything from animals to clouds to their own siblings.” Snowbird, Incredible Hercules #119.

Well, still behind, but closer to catching up; here’s the column for the week of 07/16. There was no need for me to resort to my vault, since one single issue had thirteen dissections. Nobody guessed the DT!, but then again, I’m posting a column a day almost, so I’m not giving enough time. Several readers said that Cap just took off his mask, or is about to put it on, and that the eyeholes are facing the wrong way. He was taking it off; but people turn hats or other items of clothing around in their hands after removing them…
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“Why couldn’t that isotope have made me deaf instead of blind.” Daredevil, putting up with Spider-Man’s banter, Amazing Spider-Man V1 #565.

Dang, it’s almost Wednesday, which means that I publish a column, and a new comic batch comes out! Anyway, this column is for the week of 07/09; although I had to take some of the dissections from my vault; for one, my dissections from 2004 are over. Dissector’s Picks Of The Week! Best Book Of The Week is Booster Gold V2 #1.000.000; Pure Platinum!!! It was just a good conclusion to a first arc for this great book, with even a happy ending (for now)… just watch the Moments Of The Week and see if I liked this book or what? Worst Book Of The Week? New Exiles #8… boring.
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