There’s not too many times in my life that I would start writing something where I said, “I was crapping my guts out this week.” So, I won’t. Instead:

I would have gotten the boys together for an official roundtable for this show, but I was crapping my guts out this week. There.

Anyway, enough body function humor. I don’t want to steal all of TNA’s gimmicks for this Sunday. The best part about this review is that TNA’s web site isn’t even up-to-date at 9:48 am EST for three matches that were supposed to be added from last night’s Impact, which I find to be very bush-league for a company that’s supposed to be your WWE alternative. I mean, Shane-O-Mac gets his dot-com boys on the job THE NIGHT OF THE SHOW.

So, I will cover both the official and rumored matches and see if I can’t get a recap of last night’s show to get you all the tripe that they’re going to be serving down south this weekend (which I guess is a delicacy to them, so to each his own).

Kaz & Eric Young vs. Black Reign & Rellik: What, no drinking game title on the line? Ho-hum, who cares? If I had to pick a winner (which I guess I sorta have to do), I suppose it would be Kaz and Young (AKA Dipshit Team #1).

Team 3D vs. Curry Man & Stone Cold Shark Boy (Fish Market Street Fight): The stipulation is that if 3D loses or can’t make their pre-match weight, then they have to leave TNA. I’m sure that the weigh-in will be rigged and/or bring back that retread Hyson as a teammate and that the Duds will win. Either that, or they’ll end up giving them a crappy gimmick like “Curry Man” Chris Daniels. And you just KNOW that Vince Russo is somewhere thinking that this is all good.

LAX vs. MCMG vs. RnR Infection (#1 Contenders Match): How many obscure tag team acronyms can I stick in there? I keep thinking that they’ve got to get the belts off of Styles and Tomko with all the stuff that’s been going on between Angle and Styles as of late, so you would likely pick their next successor in this match. Hopefully, management has finally gotten over the angst of Konnan leaving last year and Homicide putting sympathetic messages about him on his MySpace, but then again Shelley and Sabin have been on a tear lately. It’s a toss-up for me between the two teams (Tramp Stamp and the Guitar Hero gimmick is a joke), but I’m going to say that the Motor City Machine Guns will take it.

TNA Women’s Champion Awesome Kong vs. Gail Kim vs. ODB: I predict Kim will win by pinning ODB. It keeps Kong’s heat for the feud as she doesn’t get pinned, it lets Kim get the title so she can work the smaller women in the division and help them get over a little bit better than they can with a heel Kong (I’m thinking specifically of Angelina Love, Velvet Sky, and Payton Banks), and it gives ODB a 3-second tan, which I guess she doesn’t maybe need, but anyway…

Booker T vs. Robert Roode (Stand by Your Man Strap Match): The rules are that the winner gets to whip the other guy’s woman. Not misogynistic much in TNA, are we? And, the rules technically aren’t accurate, because if Roode wins, he only gets to whip Traci Brooks, and not Sharmell. I’m almost positive that Booker will win.

“The War Machine” Rhino vs. “The Cowboy” James Storm (Elevation X Scaffold Match): Why does TNA think these matches are cool? Is it because Dutch Mantel was at the Night of the Skywalkers, and he got off on seeing Jim Cornette break his ankle from 20 feet? I’m pretty sure that WWE has NEVER done one of these matches, and that’s probably the reason why: they’re risky and they’re not very fun to watch. I suppose Rhino should go over since it’s his return match, but as most scaffold matches go, I doubt this will be very interesting, unless you like to see people almost falling off buildings.

TNA X-Division Champion “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal vs. “Maple Leaf Muscle” Petey Williams: I like Petey Williams as a wrestler, but I think that the champ retains here. It’s too soon to take the belt off of Lethal after the feud with the Dudleys, and he really needs to get some time in some singles matches to give the belt some credibility again.

Samoa Joe, Christian Cage & Kevin Nash vs. TNA Heavyweight Champion Kurt Angle & TNA Tag Team Champions AJ Styles & Tomko: They have been floating around the idea that Joe will finally beat Angle for the title at Lockdown now that he’s finally under contract again, and it’s likely that this match will set that up somehow. I keep thinking that the tomfoolery between AJ Styles and the Angles will have something to do with this as well, so I’m betting that Joe will pin Angle to get the win.

This entry was posted on Friday, March 7th, 2008 at 3:48 pm and is filed under Russ Ray's Rasslin' Ring, The Russ, Wrestling. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments. You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site. Your comments will be moderated but will appear as soon as humanly possible.