Apparently you can kill elephants in South Africa again. As it turns out, the population has EXPLODED since the government banned the slaughter of these creatures in 1995, and the overpopulation is out of control. Who could’ve guessed that would happen?

Expectedly, the brains of animal rights activists everywhere shot out of their ears at this news. They are condemning the proclamation from the South African government, even though it has been made clear that elephant culls are to be used only when an elephant outbreak is endangering the surrounding landscape and human inhabitants and there are no other means of solving the issue.

But I fully support the culling of elephants in South Africa, and that is because of the great Animal Conspiracy (see Tim Bedore). Malicious carp are flying into the heads of fishermen everywhere. Beavers are chasing down innocent picnickers in parks across the world. Bears and squirrels are uniting to destroy us. There is a secret war being waged against us by the animal kingdom, and the only thing worse than a giant gray mammal that can crush your frail human body is  a lot of giant gray mammals that can crush your frail human body. They must be brought down.

I wonder what elephant steaks taste like.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 27th, 2008 at 1:00 am and is filed under Nicole Timmons-Christian, Random. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.