It looks like Corey and I split this one down the middle for 5 out of 6 each. I really should have guessed the obvious finish to the Elimination Chamber match to go for the perfect 6, but for some reason I just though that was too obvious a choice. He made a good point though about how Hunter has been quietly out of the title picture now for a couple of years and giving him the belt would be a good reward for being the company man. He also apparently has the inside track on the Raw main event at Wrestlemania, as it’s being said that it will be a Triple Threat Match with Hunter, Cena, and Orton.

However, Corey said that Orton would win by DQ. He retained the title, but John Cena won that one, and the Legend Killer lives (barely) to fight another day.

I had some pretty low expectations for this show given Rey Mysterio’s injury, the Smackdown elimination chamber looking pretty lousy on paper, and the given that there would be no real outcome to the WWE title match. I guess then if my expectations were so low, I was pleasantly surprised…

In the dark match, Kane defeated Shelton Benjamin.

ECW Champion Chavo Guerrero retained over CM Punk. I remember when Guerrero got the belt that people made a big deal about how it was his first world title, but really, when you’re the champion of the new ECW, you’re more like a U.S. 6-Man Cruiserweight Tag Team Champion. In fact, I believe that these two and Titscera are the only ECW guys on the card, which constantly makes me wonder why Joey Styles and Tazz’s employment are justified. Anyway, the best part of the match was when CM Punk gave Guerrero the Three Amigos (one of Eddie’s old moves). The fans booed him… I thought it was hilarious and a big F-U to his opponent. Maybe the folks were pissed because they lost their plane tickets home at the tables yesterday. Anyway, Chavo held on to a hurricarana attempt in the corner, dropped Punk on his head, and won with the frog splash.

Undertaker won the Smackdown/ECW Elimination Chamber. Batista and Taker start off all punchy/kicky, which I guess is fine for the beginning of the match. When Viscera got in there, they tried to make him go all monster by beating down the two babyfaces and using his fatness weight to his advantage. Taker fell out the door of the chamber, which leads me to believe that it was constructed by union workers. After he got back in, they sort of teamed up to eliminate V with a DDT outside the ring.

Khali got in, and then it was same shit, different day. Batista speared Khali, Undertaker took out them both, and then put Khali into the triangle submission for the elimination. I guess it makes sense to get rid of all the dead weight first. Khali’s bleeding out the mouth (!) so I guess that makes Undertaker the awesomest.

Finlay came in and got leveled by Undertaker right away. I guess you can see where this match is headed… where’s the red cape and red “S” on Taker’s ring attire? I was hoping this would be the point of the match where things picked up, but maybe they should have started with Finlay and MVP instead. Anyway, Finlay finally got to take over for about a minute until Batista threw him into the chamber wall. Finlay took Undertaker on a head-first tour of all the entry pods and broke one of them with his head.

Another funny moment that made sense psychologically: MVP’s pod opened, but he tried to keep the door shut because Undertaker was waiting for him. I think if this guy gets another year under his belt, stays healthy, and improves, he could be a good heel challenger for the World title right now, something this roster desperately needs beyond the same usual suspects. Taker decided to go into the pod and lay him out instead. I guess you had to wait 20 minutes to see that. MVP then got some good usage out of his gold chains by choking Finlay with it and then juicing Undertaker. Porter brags to the crowd, but here comes the zombie stuff again, and then the Deadman no-sold a series of punches. MVP fled the scene to the top of the pod, where Undertaker followed and hit a chokeslam off the pod (!) followed by a cover from Finlay. Well, hey, there was your first Holy Shit moment of the night.

Speaking of shit, here comes the midget now to bring Finlay his shillelagh. He used it on Batista before Undertaker chokeslammed him and got the cover. Way to build up the Vinnie Mac’s probable Wrestlemania opponent. So, Batista and Undertaker finish the match they started. Well, gee… why have a chamberpot match then? They go back to some chicken fighting until Undertaker won with a Tombstone. There were some good moments of this match, but this reminded me of one of those comedies that you go see and all the best gags were the ones they showed you in the trailer and the rest of the movie is just dreadful.

Order of Entry: 1) Batista, 2) Undertaker, 3) Big Daddy V, 4) Great Khali, 5) Finlay, 6) MVP

Order of Elimination: 1) Big Daddy V by Batista, 2) Great Khali by Undertaker, 3) MVP by Finlay, 4) Finlay by Undertaker, 5) Batista by Undertaker

Ashley and Maria went to the Playboy mansion so Hugh Hefner could help convince her to strip for Playboy. The funniest thing about all this is that the entire internet knows that Maria’s already posed, but apparently Ashley, Hef, and even Maria herself don’t know this! Man, she really MUST be an airhead… she’s going to reveal her decision on Raw THIS MONDAY!

Ric Flair defeated Mr. Kennedy. Of course, Flair wrestled with the career-ending stip if he loses. Both guys opened the match showing off, which made a lot of sense. Then, Kennedy being the sloppy worker that he is, worked over Flair’s knee and put him in a half-crab. Flair yelled, “Oh shit!” but got bleeped out. Makes me wonder if he really screwed Flair up there or if he’s just working. Anyway, Kennedy dragged out the Hitman’s figure-four around the ringpost, which I’ve always enjoyed. Flair got a brief comeback, but Kennedy got a figure-four on in the ring. Flair couldn’t reverse it, so he had to get to the ropes to break it. Again, Flair got a comeback by sliding out of the ring and hitting the back of Kennedy’s knee. Kennedy with a handful of tights and his feet on the ropes could only draw a 2 count, and after that Flair got on the figure-four and made Kennedy tap out for the finish. After the match, the Nature Boy says that Ric-o-mania is never gonna die, brother! (well, maybe not in so many words)

WWE World Champion Edge retained over Rey Mysterio. Earlier in the show, Rey Rey gave up the dirt on his busted win, and WBC Welterweight Champion Floyd Mayweather, Jr. interrupted his interview to encourage Mysterio. Also, Vickie Guerrero was at home (where she belongs), so Teddy Long decided to ban the Edgeheads from ringside in her absence. This was a short match where Edge basically worked the arm throughout. Rey got the 619, which shocked me, but Edge recovered with a spear to win the match. Not great, but what could they do? WELLLLLLLLLL WELL IT’S THE BIG SHOW I KNEW that was going to happen at some point. He looks pretty skinny, and he claimed that he dropped 108 pounds. Well, gee, what took him so long? Anyway, to prove that he’s still the BIG BAD SHOW TONIGHT he went and grabbed Mysterio off the stretcher and grabbed Rey by the throat. Mayweather jumped in the ring to go after Big Show, and it’s like Tyson vs. Austin all over again (sorta). Big Show started taunting Mayweather, and then got down on one knee to help him out. Mayweather hit him with three punches and apparently broke his nose the hard way. Way to handle that, Shane-O-Mac. Does Big Show still want to be a boxer now?

John Cena defeated WWE Champion Randy Orton by DQ. Cena’s got a hilarious T-shirt that looks like an old NES cover. This was probably the match of the night as far as crowd response, with people actually standing during the match (!) It was also very deliberately paced, as they went about 10 minutes before going outside the ring. Orton broke up an STF-U attempt by going to the ropes, and then tried to get himself deliberately counted out. The referee asked him if he wanted to continue, but Cena said “screw this” and went out to get Orton. Cheap shot followed by the RKO proves yet again that Lord Helmet was right about good people being so stupid. Cena almost got counted out, but Orton was shocked that Cena got back in the ring in time. Sooooo… Orton turned around and socked the referee in the mouth for the DQ. Cena tried to plead his case, but the referee wouldn’t change his decision. After the match, Cena went nuts on Orton with an F-U and an STF-U for good measure. Sure that’s a lame way to end the match, but that’s about the best DQ I’ve ever seen. It was like Orton was looking for every way out of the match at that point, so he did everything he could to hold onto the title. It was a good match, but I just don’t like to see people pay to get finishes like this. I guess we get our decision at Wrestlemania.

Triple H won the Raw Elimination Chamber. Before the match, Triple H and Shawn Michaels had a moment together where they talked about their friendship standing the test of time, but they would beat the crap out of each other if they got in each other’s way. Awwwwwwwwwwwww how sweet. Jericho and Michaels started the match off hot with near falls and lots of big spots. Umaga was released as both men were down and threw Jericho out of the ring. Umaga hit them both with a double Samoan drop, which sounds impressive but looks incredibly fake. It reminds me of one of those stacked suplexes where four guys get suplexed at once. You keep wondering why all those guys would go over like that without kicking out. Anyway, Umaga bloodied Michaels with a Samoan splash off the chamber wall onto the metal floor just before JBL entered the ring.

JBL jumped in the fray with all of his big boots and clotheslines. After that, JBL had to stop and think if he knew any other wrestling moves besides those. Oh, yes… punches. He knows how to punch. Everybody ended up outside the ring beating each other on the steel. I guess those Smackdown guys just don’t know how to put on a match like this. Triple H was released, and then you got all of his knees and spinebusters, and then he had to think what other moves he knew too. Nice schmoz with Jericho hitting a bulldog on Triple H but missing a Lionsault, then Triple H tried a Pedigree but got clotheslined by JBL, and then Y2J got JBL with a Codebreaker for the first elimination of the match. But, of course, nobody leaves the shower until somebody gets hazed (or something), so back he goes with a steel chair and knocks everybody out until the referees get him out of there.

Jeff Hardy was the last one out and showed some brains (for once), kicking Umaga while he’s down. Then he went off on Michaels and Jericho, until Triple H and HBK tried to double team him AND FAILED! Excuse me while I go change those pants I just crapped. Oh, never mind. Now Umaga has taken control with Triple H in the Tree of Woe, and Michaels used against him as a battering ram. By the way, have I mentioned yet that this is way better than the crappy Smackdown chamber match? BECAUSE THEY’RE THE B-SHOW. Umaga picked everybody off like he’s going to win the thing, until he crashed him and Jericho through one of the “bulletproof” pods. At lot of these guys must have bulletproof heads.

Finally, the babyfaces realize they need to team up on Umaga, so it’s dueling finishers on him from everybody until Jericho gets the fall after Hardy hit a Swanton off the top of a chamber pod. But wait, there’s more! Sweet Chin Music on Jericho, and Hardy gets the pin. But if that’s not enough, Hardy and HHH hit their finishers on Michaels and he’s gone. I guess they realized they were up against time or something.

The final two went at it outside the ring, with Hardy slamming Hunter into the steel walls repeatedly (pretty strong for a dude that outweighs him by about 50 extra pounds). Back in the ring, Hardy missed the Swanton and a Pedigree only got a 2-count. Triple H found the chair that JBL brought in earlier. Both fight to hit their finisher onto it, and Triple H wins the battle with the Pedigree on the chair. Excellent, excellent match.

Order of Entry: 1) Chris Jericho, 2) Shawn Michaels, 3) Umaga, 4) John Bradshaw Layfield, 5) Triple H, 6) Jeff Hardy

Order of Elimination: 1) JBL by Jericho, 2) Umaga by Jericho, 3) Jericho by Hardy, 4) Michaels by Triple H, 5) Hardy by Triple H

I don’t know… only six matches on the card, but three of them were great, plus you get the surprise return of the Big Show. I might actually recommend this one.

This entry was posted on Monday, February 18th, 2008 at 10:22 am and is filed under Russ Ray's Rasslin' Ring, The Russ, Wrestling. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.