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Note to Readers!

If you ever find me non-responsive, please do not call Mary-Kate Olsen before calling the proper emergency agencies.

If you believe that you must call a celebrity, please select from the following list:

1) Bono.
2) John Walsh.

(Why? They’re probably the closest thing to actual super-heroes that we’ve got. They’ll know what to do.)

3) George Clooney. He just seems to know how to get shit done.

4) Peter Jackson. Anybody that can make LOTR work on-screen can probably figure out my problems.

5) Monica Bellucci. If I’m not wakin’ up for Monica Bellucci, I’m not wakin’ up.

6) William Petersen. He’s been doing the CSI thing long enough that he’ll be able to figure out which one of you did it. But please for the love of God leave Caruso out of it.

7) The original KISS line-up in full regalia. For no other reason than I could drink and dine for years on a story that ends, “So I wake up . . . and there’s KISS! Paul says, “Troy, are you okay?” And I say, “Starchild?” And Gene says, “Oh great. He’s seen that fucking movie.”

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This entry was posted on Thursday, January 24th, 2008 at 4:31 pm and is filed under Culture, Troy Brownfield. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

5 Comments on “Note to Readers!”

  1. ojflow Says:
    January 24th, 2008 at 6:15 pm

    I’d probably call Dick Cheney. Dude knows how to keep things on the CUE-TEE, yo.

  2. Jonathan Birdsong Says:
    January 24th, 2008 at 7:54 pm

    after all these years, I never knew Andre the Giant played Bigfoot in the 6-Million Dollar Man series.

    Celeb to cal for me it would probably be - Chuck D or Joe Rogan (don’t ask me why)

  3. Troy F'n Brownfield Says:
    January 24th, 2008 at 10:49 pm

    I completely understand Chuck D. He would go in the “Guy Who Gets Shit Done” category.

    And I actually get Joe Rogan, because he did that massive takedown of Mencia. That was pure genius.

  4. Lucas Siegel Says:
    January 25th, 2008 at 1:45 am

    I’d call Caruso for you Troy, just so when he finds the shotgun laying next to you he could say,
    “I guess we need to Review”*puts on Sunglasses*”…this Shotgun”
    and then have The Who start playing. That’d be fuckin awesome.

  5. Kevin Huxford Says:
    January 25th, 2008 at 11:12 am

    Joe Rogan would stick a pot lollipop in your mouth and throw you in a floatation chamber. I don’t know that it would revive you, but if you managed to live, it’d be a helluva experience. :)

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