It’s barely three weeks into 2008 and it appears we already have a major contender, if not the hands-down winner, for the worst movie of the year. Yay! Congrats to you, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (can the title be any longer or cheesier?), for firmly and proudly staking your claim for the “top” prize.

Not even hottie Jason Statham could redeem this movie for me as I was so overwhelmingly astonished and shocked by its sheer horribleness that I actually walked out of the theater! Being the major movie buff that I am, I never walk out of movies. Ever. Nor have I ever asked for my money back, until last night.

The level of awfulness on display was so pungent that any attempt to find enjoyment in the mocking of the actors, the script, the direction, or the score was simply impossible, as this film boldly out-craps all others. Below, a smattering of just a few elements that contributed to the movie’s overall stank-factor:  

- Actor Ray Liotta prances about the screen, with hair volumized to the max, dressed like a magically deranged Liberace (or is that redundant)?  

- The Forest people’s entrance, who descend upon our heroes like an elfish band of Cirque du Soleil refugees. Does flipping and twisting down long vines as if they were theater ribbons even look cool anymore?

- The evil and rubbery “Krugs,” as designed and dressed by the good people who brought you The Power Rangers. *Note to producers* plastic body suits do not a scary beasty-man make.

- Actor Matthew Lillard’s sniveling Duke and his surprisingly powerful flair for emphasizing his valley-girl meets old-world-English accented lines with copious amounts of spittle. Spittle = seriousness!

- The corn-ball musical score that tries oh-so-hard to ensure that the audience is well aware and ready to invest our emotions when the movie demands it; from the deadly and dangerous battles, to the “hilarious” moments of slapstick, to the sweetest of sweet heart-tugging scenes, musical subtlety is not part of this movie’s vocabulary.

- Burt Reynolds doing his best Leather Face impersonation. Loads of wrinkles mixed with oddly smoothed skin makes for an eerie and distracting appearance. At some point the Burt Reynolds parody of himself needs to be laid to rest.  

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 15th, 2008 at 3:13 pm and is filed under Brian Andersen, Film. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.