Results from Gerweck.net 

John Cena’s hurt, so we get a new champion. Meanwhile, Randy Orton has to wash his hands after handling bird poop in that picture.

The show opened with Vince McMahon and his part-time girlfriend William Regal headed to the ring. McMahon immediately crowned Randy Orton as the new WWE Champion while the crowd chanted “Y2J” in a vote of confidence. Orton went to the ring to select a challenger, but Triple H interrupted instead. He wanted a title match, Vince gave in, and that match started the show (!?!?)

Triple H defeated Randy Orton to become the new WWE Champion. When was the last time Triple H jerked the curtain on PPV? 1995? Against Henry Godwinn? Good chain wrestling match, and H won out of nowhere with a rollup.

World Tag Team Champions Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch and Mr. Kennedy defeated WWE Intercontinental Champion Jeff Hardy, Paul London and Brian Kendrick in a 6-man tag team match. I guess it was a short match with Kennedy hitting the Green Bay Plunge on London for the win. At least he didn’t injure another opponent…

ECW Champion CM Punk defeated Big Daddy V by DQ. This was another short match due to Matt Striker running in to help Viscera. Those two are a waste of space. After the match was thrown out, they double-teamed Punk, and he had to be helped to the locker room.

More non-wrestling: WWE Tag Team Champions MVP and Matt Hardy faced off in a pizza-eating contest. Hardy won and then puked it up on Porter. I shit you not.

WWE Champion Triple H retained over Umaga. Before the match, Vince told H that he would still face Umaga as scheduled and the title would be on the line. Hunter sold a rib injury during the match that would set up the excuse for him to drop the title again later on, beating Umaga with a Pedigree.

Rey Mysterio vs. Fit Finlay ended in a no contest after Finlay did a stretcher job, and then got off the stretcher to go after Rey Rey. Finlay worked on Mysterio’s shoulder throughout the match, until he got knocked out on the floor, which brought out the fake EMTs (druids, EMTs, security, cops… they’re all indy workers). Anyway, Finlay beat down Mysterio after getting off the stretcher.

Since everyone else puts YouTube videos up here, I thought I would too…

New School Y2J

Old School Y2J

Even Older School Y2J

Well, except maybe this…

So anyway…

Beth Phoenix defeated Candice Michelle to become the new WWE Women’s Champion. After winning with a Fisherman’s Suplex, she bawled in the post-match interview and said that we’re in the Glamazon era now. Sure. Just make sure they sharpen up that chin of yours so they can plow the roads this winter.

World Heavyweight Champion Batista retained over the Great Khali in the Punjabi Prison Match. During the match, Khali went Hogan on Batista and started whipping him with a leather strap. Shockingly, no one was able to get out of any of the four doors, so they all had to climb. Batista jumped from one cage to the next to get over the top and win the match. Yippee… he’s just keeping the belt company for Undertaker to claim it back.

In the main event, Randy Orton defeated Triple H to become the new WWE Champion in a Last Man Standing match. Vince McMahon ordered the match after Orton supposedly demanded a rematch. Orton obviously went after Hunter’s “injured” ribs. Fighting outside, PLUNDAH PLUNDAH PLUNDAH, some guys went through tables, a bunch of 9-counts, guys bleeding. A very paint-by-numbers match. Two RKOs later, and he’s the champ again. At least he won a match to get the belt. If he had simply been handed the belt and never lost it during the show, it would look weak. Probably the best they could do considering the short notice that they had with Cena’s injury.

Honestly, besides the title matches bookending the show, there was absolutely nothing to see here.

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 11th, 2007 at 2:30 pm and is filed under Russ Ray's Rasslin' Ring, The Russ, Wrestling. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.