Results from gerweck.net

You know, I guess I’ve paid so little attention to WWE lately that I really didn’t know too many of the matches going in besides the main events, but I guess the hard sell for the show was the mystique of the return of both Rey Mysterio and Triple H. Other than that, I knew there were a couple of title matches, and that was about it.

In the opening match, Kane went over Fit Finlay. Kane was selling injured ribs, which I assume were the result of a shillelagh attack from Finlay. Sounded pretty dull, except for when they dragged out the midget, who threw the shillelagh to Finlay for another attack on Kane. Kane still won with a chokeslam. Not a very exciting opener.

WWE Intercontinental Champion Umaga retained over Mr. Kennedy and Carlito in a Triple Threat Match. I’m not sure which of these guys is a baby and which one is a heel anymore. A formulaic affair where the challengers teamed up against the champ and then turned on each other. Gee, didn’t see that coming. I guess it’s psychology, but for once I’d like to see heel team up with the champ on the other guy, and then turn on the champ. While Umaga was outside the ring, Kennedy nearly covered Carlito for the pinfall, but it was Umaga hitting Kennedy with the Samoan Spike for the win. This probably should have been the opener.

Rey Mysterio (accompanied by Jeff Hardy’s body paint) defeated Chavo Guerrero. That was a pretty obvious outcome. Mysterio looked decent in his return, and John Bradshaw Layfield correctly pointed out that Guerrero kept working over the knee that he “injured” in the Loser Leaves Smackdown match (which… didn’t… actually… occur I guess?). Anyway, great match, and Mysterio won with the 619/West Coast Pop.

Beth Phoenix won a Diva Battle Royal over Brooke, Maria, Layla, Victoria, Krystal, Kelly Kelly, Jillian Hall, Mickie James, Melina, Torrie Wilson, and Michelle McCool (order of elimation). WWE Champion Candice Michelle watched from ringside, as the winner got a shot at her title. After the match, MVP interrupted and told them all to leave. He challenged Matt Hardy to a beer drinking contest to be able to relate to all us little people. Hardy came out and drank a beer, but then said since MVP got Evander Holyfield to substitute for the boxing match on Saturday Night’s Main Event, he should be able to bring in a substitute for this contest. Wow, can’t see what’s coming next from a mile away CRASH OH MY GOD IT’S THE RATTLESNAKE time to violate probation in public and drink some beers (well, maybe he’s off probation by now). MVP gets a Stone Cold Stunner for his trouble. Am I a racist for wondering why the cooler wasn’t stocked with 40 oz. malt liquor?

By the way, have I ever mentioned that I hate when they transition from a match right into another stunt like it’s an ordinary TV show?

ECW Champion John Morrison retained over CM Punk. These two could really have burned down the house like it’s the Impact Zone, but they needed all that time to bring out a 45-year-old bald alcoholic beating up a guy with a heart murmur. Punk tried to hit a hurricarana from the corner, but Morrison held on and pinned him using the ropes for the win.

Triple H defeated King Booker. Really? Anyway, entrance videos, music, pyro… what, no key to the city and Bryce Howard? Sharmell was in Booker’s corner channeling Stephanie McMahon, and she got in more offense on HHH than her old man did. Hunter kicked out of a Book End, hit the Pedigree, and got the win. Yes, we know you’re the son-in-law. Can we all move on already?

Batista defeated World Champion Great Khali by DQ. I like how they’ve employ the same outcome to his matches for the past 3 months. “We don’t want to reward him for his attitude, but we don’t want to job him out and ruin our investment in him, so we’ll just keep booking him in big matches that he loses by DQ or countout or something. Yip-pee. Khali’s translator threw him a chair, which he promptly used on the challenger for the DQ. The crowd crapped all over the finish. Did they not know that the show was taking place in New York City? I guess at least they didn’t finish the show with that match, or they’d have had a riot on their hands.

Throughout the evening, they ran backstage skits with Coach trying to help Vince McMahon find his bastard child among the wrestlers that weren’t working on the show. The “pay-off” was Mae Young showing up to make out with Vince, and after she left, Vince claimed that it turned him on. Thanks for making 250,000 people vomit simultaneously… all they were missing was Captain Howdy.

WWE Champion John Cena retained over Randy Orton. Everyone predicted Orton would win, but they rarely ever put over upstart heels anymore on any of the “Big 4″ pay-per-views. He might win at Unforgiven, though. The problem is that Orton would really have to keep it up as a heel if he wins the title over Cena, though, because people already boo Cena as it is. Anyway, it was a well-paced match early on with a lot of mat wrestling. Cena blocked an RKO attempt, and both men ended up outside the ring. Orton sent Cena into the ringside steps, but couldn’t get a pinfall. He then attempted a superplex, but Cena blocked and hit a leg drop from the corner. Cena hooked the STF-U, but Orton got to the ropes and hit the RKO after Cena let go. Superman kicked out, hit an F-U, and got the win.

Like I said, the show was promoted more as an event where guys came back instead of an event with exciting match-ups or good matches. The main event wasn’t bad, and neither was the Rey/Chavo match, but most of the rest was forgettable. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch this, but I wouldn’t completely avoid it either.

This entry was posted on Monday, August 27th, 2007 at 11:36 am and is filed under The Russ, Russ Ray's Rasslin' Ring, Wrestling. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.