The Nitpicker #26.
[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]
So, here we are with the new and (hopefully) weekly Nitpicker! I know I promised that I’d post on Friday or Monday; but I write this thing on my free time at work, and since I didn’t work on Friday, and Sunday was quite busy, it ended up being today, just in time for new comics! As I said last week, I’m going to start posting weekly, with fewer nits, to have a more active schedule.
Each week I’ll have at least 10 nits, and if I can’t find that many in that week’s comics, I’ll use my vast backlog reserve to get to that amount. This week, for example, we have more, just with this week’s comics we got up to 17 nits (thanks to Superman/Batman and Star Trek: Klingons: Blood Will Tell that contributed with ten of them).
While not a nit, this is not totally off-topic, so I thought I’d mention it. Am I the only one who finds funny that MAD Magazine rewards readers whose letters are published in the magazine with a set of notebooks featuring “The Art Of Vintage Marvel”; when MAD is published by DC Comics? Whatever, let’s get on with this week’s nits!
“IT’S AN ANCIENT WAKANDAN STORING METHOD.”
TITLE: Fantastic Four V1.
ISSUE: 546.
CULPRIT: Paul Pelletier (penciller).
NIT-TO-PICK: Page 14, panels 2 and 3… are we supposed to believe that the Black Panther, the king of Wakanda, one of the most technologically advanced nations on Earth, stores a machine created by Dr. Doom to siphon the Power Cosmic off the Silver Surfer, in a wooden crate held together with screws, with the words “Plan G” painted on one side? Come on!!!
NIT-O-METER: 3 Bazzars, this is preposterous.
“WHAT’S THE NAME OF THE DAMN PLANET?”
TITLE: Star Wars: Legacy.
ISSUE: 12.
CULPRIT: John Ostrander (script), maybe also Jan Duursema (co-plotter), and/or Michael Heisler (letterer).
NIT-TO-PICK: On page 4, they mention the planet Zonoma Sekot, when it’s Zonama Sekot.
NIT-O-METER: 2 Bazzar, it’s a typo, but you should check your references.
“DON’TFORGETTHESPACES”
TITLE: (Supergirl And The) Legion Of Superheroes V5.
ISSUE: 30.
CULPRIT: Mark Waid (writer) and/or Jared K. Fletcher (letterer).
NIT-TO-PICK: First of all, you’d notice that I’ve changed the notation on this book. We all know that Supergirl is, eventually, going back to the 21st Century (actually, she’s already there/then… time travel makes my head hurt!), so the “Supergirl And The” part of the book’s name is going to be dropped at some point. As it is, the book is V1 of “Supergirl And…”, but when it loses the “Supergirl…”, it’ll go back to being “Legion…”, actually, V5 of the book. I have, erroneously, been referring to this book as V4, when it’s actually V5… I was not counting a “Legion Of Superheroes” book that ran for four issues back 1973, reprinting Adventure Comic stories; I didn’t know it had existed.
As for the actual nit here, on page 4, panel 3, Dream Boy says “You wereabout to ask.”; obviously a space is missing there. Speaking of Dream Boy… boyohoboy, is that a sissy name or what? I guess it is, a sissy name, for a sissy powered guy, with a sissy perm… I guess that since Element Lad now wears a manly haircut, albeit with a soul patch, they needed somebody to be the George Perez-y 80s permed sissy).
For those of you who are now wanting to see the level of sissines that Dream Boy takes things to, behold (and compare to retro Element Lad)!
Oh, yeah, and see here new, manly, soulpatched V5 Element Lad:
Note: I don’t have any kind of problem with gay people (which Element Lad was/is, sort of); I’m just making fun of their costumes and hair. Speaking of gays and comics, please check out Blockade Boy (by its namesake) and The Absorbascon (by Scipio), both ran by gay comic fans, an incidentally, very, very funny. Actually, come to think about it, since Blockade Boy is a character, I’m not sure if the actual blogger is gay.
NIT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar, not a big thing at all.
“SOME BUILDING WITH FOREIGN PEOPLE, WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?”
TITLE: Countdown.
ISSUE: 49.
CULPRIT: Mike Marts (editor).
NIT-TO-PICK: Speaking of Countdown, we’ve seen that Jimmy Olsen has elastic powers, so he might not be the Jimmy of New Earth. Anyway, this nit is not really in the comic, but in Mike Mart’s weekly Q&A at Newsarama, about this particular comic, so I’ll stretch my modus operandi slightly.
In this issue, Mary Marvel visits Gotham, where she wanders (actually runs, while being chased by some lowlifes) into an abandoned building, which apparently used to house some sort of diplomatic mission from Kahndaq. It can’t be the Embassy of Kahndaq, formerly of Themyscira, since that building is located in New York City, because nations can have many consulates in important cities of a particular country, but only one Embassy in that country, generally in the capital city.
Yet in the aforementioned Newsarama piece, Marts said “It’s the abandoned Kahndaq embassy. Abandoned and left vacant after the events of 52 and World War III.” Well, this is almost as bad as having an Embassy for your country located in a city on your own country.
NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars, it could be higher, but it wasn’t actually in the book itself.
“NIT-PICKING OR NITPICKING?”
TITLE: The Irredeemable Ant-Man.
ISSUE: 08.
CULPRIT: Aubrey Sitterson (editor, who, oddly, has no assistant editors); or whoever puts together the layout of the letters page.
NIT-TO-PICK: On the letters page, on the bottom, readers are encouraged to send letters to “The Irredeemable Antman (…)”; but the book’s name is “The Irredeemable Ant-Man“. I’ll have to check if it’s the same on the previous seven issues.
NIT-O-METER: 1 Bazzar, sometimes I nitpick for the sake of Nitpicking.
“DO OR DO NOT, TRYING IS DISHONORABLE!”
TITLE: Star Trek: Klingons: Blood Will Tell.
ISSUE: 02 of 04.
CULPRIT: Scott and David Tipton (writers).
NIT-TO-PICK: This book is a good read, much better than the TNG one IDW is putting out at the moment (The Space Between, was it?); but it’s got some conceptual errors.
First of all, on page 4, panels 3 and 4, it says, about Klingon culture, “For a warrior, no credit is given for mere effort. And one who tries valiantly and fails… is still no less a failure.” Hmm… and here I thought I’d seen tons of episodes where Klingons claim that there is honor in dying in battle, even if you lose the battle, as long as you fought valiantly and honorably.
NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
“SAY, WHY IS THE FLOOR OF THIS O.R. PAINTED RED?”
TITLE: Star Trek: Klingons: Blood Will Tell.
ISSUE: 02 of 04.
CULPRIT: Scott and David Tipton (writers).
NIT-TO-PICK: And on with this book’s misconceptions about Klingons; the scene showing the Klingon’s operation to appear human on page 7; it is accepted that Klingons, due to their warrior culture, have underdeveloped medical science and technology (compared to the Federation); but this is way too much.
The Klingon “doctors” operate dressed in armor (with no gloves or surgical mask), in an obviously non-sterile environment (complete with bloodstains in the instrument cart), no anesthetics, and with surgical instruments that look like power tools. Yes, we know that they’re tough motherfuckers; however, they’re not stupid, and even if their medical science is not as advanced as the Federation’s, they wouldn’t operate under those conditions if they want their patient to survive.
NIT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars, it’s really stupid. The artist (David Messina) gets a pass because the description of the procedure comes from the script.
“I’M A KLINGON DOCTOR, WHAT THE HELL DO I KNOW ABOUT KLINGON ANATOMY?”
TITLE: Star Trek: Klingons: Blood Will Tell.
ISSUE: 02 of 04.
CULPRIT: Scott and David Tipton (writers).
NIT-TO-PICK: On page 8, panel four, one of the doctor talks about how the now cosmetically human looking Klingon won’t pass a medical scan, due to the vast difference between human and Klingon anatomy. He mentions a “more substantial rib cage, significantly larger heart, and three lungs.”
Gee, of course humans don’t have all that, but in Star Trek, they must also have, as the Klingons, two livers, an eight-chambered heart (which does not necessarily mean bigger), 23 ribs (more ribs, not just “more substantial ribs”), two stomachs and a double-lined neural pia mater (brain membrane).
Just for reference, the Klingon call their redundant organ systems brak’lul.
NIT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars; I’m not a Klingon expert, but when I read that, I knew that it didn’t sound right.
“WE DID THE FEET FIRST.”
TITLE: Star Trek: Klingons: Blood Will Tell.
ISSUE: 02 of 04.
CULPRIT: Scott and David Tipton (writers).
NIT-TO-PICK: Back to page 7, on the fifth panel (or the main one); the patient’s feet look human, they don’t have the characteristic ridges Klingon feet present (as seen in the The Next Generation’s episode “Ethics” and Enterprise’s “Broken Bow”).
NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
“METAL MEN? OH, RIGHT, THOSE METAL MEN!”
TITLE: Superman/Batman.
ISSUE: 35.
CULPRIT: Mark Verheiden & Marc Guggenheim (writers).
NIT-TO-PICK: What hell’s going on here? Last issue, neither Batman nor Superman know who Will MaG… sorry, Magnus and his Metal Men are; but now, on page 3, they do? What gives? I tell you, this book keeps getting worse and worse.
NIT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. How is Verheiden capable of excellent Galactica episodes, and of this crap at the same time, is beyond me.
“SWEATING ROBOTS?”
TITLE: Superman/Batman.
ISSUE: 35.
CULPRIT: Mark Verheiden & Marc Guggenheim (writers).
NIT-TO-PICK: On page 11, Superman tries to use his super senses to see if Metallo is lying; and says that Metallo’s Kryptonite heart “doesn’t jump” when he says a supposed lie, or that he’s not perspiring or breathing abnormally.
Little problem there… Metallo doesn’t have any organic parts other than his brain, and if he’s got any kind of simulation of body functions, they’re just that, simulations. And the Kryptonite heart wouldn’t jump, because it’s not really a heart, it’s just a lump of radioactive rock that powers the robotic body Metallo’s brain wears as a prosthetic.
NIT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, I’m handing ‘em out as if they’re candy, but they deserve it.
“YEAH, I NEEDED HER BEFORE GOLD ‘CAUSE SHE’S GOOD WITH BLOW…. ERR… ACCOUNTING!”
TITLE: Superman/Batman.
ISSUE: 35.
CULPRIT: Mark Verheiden & Marc Guggenheim (writers).
NIT-TO-PICK: On page 12. panel 3, Will Magnus explains that Gold is not finished yet because of the high price of his material. However, Platinum (or Platinia, as they call her now) is fully built, and platinum is more expensive than gold, usually twice the cost of gold.
NIT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars, a little research doesn’t hurt.
“I GOT A NEW DOG, IT’S A POMERANIAN.”
TITLE: Superman/Batman.
ISSUE: 35.
CULPRIT: Mark Verheiden & Marc Guggenheim (writers) and/or Adam Schlagman (assistant editor) & Eddie Berganza (editor).
NIT-TO-PICK: On page 17, Superman says that he doesn’t meet with Batman in his fortress because Batman “hates the dog”; but Krypto has been missing for over a year, as revealed in Superman #662 (which also states that Superman hasn’t had much time search for him; yet he jokes about him. Insensitive bastard.)
NIT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
“ME SUPERMAN. ME NEED ENGLISH TRANSLATION.”
TITLE: Superman/Batman.
ISSUE: 35.
CULPRIT: Mark Verheiden & Marc Guggenheim (writers).
NIT-TO-PICK: On page 18, Batman says about Metallo “The cybernetic implants have an on-board CPU which has been compromised by malignant code.”; and Superman asks “What’s the English translation?”
Come on, do you really mean that Superman, who, as Clark Kent, is an award winning journalist, regardless of his super powers, and also, has some extent of super intelligence, or at least, quicker thought processes than regular people.
NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars.
“OH, AND I SUPPOSE YOU BUILT BROTHER EYE FROM OLD NINTENDO CONSOLES?”
TITLE: Superman/Batman.
ISSUE: 35.
CULPRIT: Mark Verheiden & Marc Guggenheim (writers).
NIT-TO-PICK: And things keep getting better and better… if by “better” we understand “so ridiculous not even a Mort Weisinger edited Superman book would try to pull it off”.
Still on page 18, Batman describes to Superman how Metallo’s human brain communicates with his cybernetic body: a Bluetooth protocol. Of course, that’s what I was missing from my cybernetic theories… the only thing you need to interface a human brain with a robotic body is an off the shelf wireless communication protocol!
NIT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, please. Perhaps Batman is dumbing it down for his not too bright friend Superman, who needs an English translation?
“DEJA VU WITH DIANA!”
TITLE: Wonder Woman V3.
ISSUE: 09.
CULPRIT: Jodi Picoult (writer).
NIT-TO-PICK: In this issue, Diana meets with her mother, Hippolyta, but hadn’t she already done that, under completely different circumstances, as shown in Amazons Attack #1 and Wonder Woman V3 #8?
NIT-O-METER: 7 Bazzars.
“RESURRECTION IS ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE IN COMIC BOOKS!”
TITLE: Wonder Woman V3.
ISSUE: 09.
CULPRIT: Jodi Picoult (writer).
NIT-TO-PICK: On page five, panel 3, Superman says, about the possibility of Hippolyta being alive “(…) is impossible. I saw her die.”…. Right Supes, because you, Hal Jordan, and Oliver Queen, just to mention a few, have never returned from death. Right, and since you haven’t, it’s obvious that it shouldn’t be possible either for the queen of a magical island of almost immortal warriors to come back from among the dead?
NIT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars.
There, we got a 6.3 Bazzars average, which is good, it’s more than one point higher than last week. Again, thanks to Star Trek: Klingons: Blood Will Tell and Superman/Batman for making my job so easy. Next week… well, next week I’m sure we’ll have some stuff to rant about…. for example, Star Trek: TNG: The Space Between is coming out, so I’m sure I’ll be able to have some fun with that…
And ooh…. lookie here…. nothing to do with nits, or at least I haven’t found any in that book, but the thing is, The Boys #7 is finally coming out, with the book having found a new home at Dynamite Entertainment. Good news there. Well, that’s all for this week, until next, keep in mind that nothing escapes…
THE NITPICKER!
May 30th, 2007 at 5:16 pm
Wow, you get free time at work, or do you just really slack off in pursuit of more interesting and enjoyable tasks!
That FF nit is pretty silly and I might have found one myself in that same issue. I’m not sure if my eyes are playing tricks but The Thing’s trunks seemed to keep changing colour from blue to black throughout the issue. Granted it was a very dark shade of blue so I may be wrong but take a look if you have the issue handy.
Ha, ha, I’m laughing at how terrible Star Trek and Superman/Batman must have been as it sounds like they contained a lot of shoddy work.
May 30th, 2007 at 9:41 pm
Shhhh Guvnor!!!! No, really, I do get some time between customer and customer (I work at a tech support call center), and I use it to read or write.
I really cant’ help but laugh at the wooden crate. About The Thing’s Trunks, it’s a matter of hue, since Ben and Johnny changed their uniforms to a black version (which to me, seems very blue tinted) to match Storm and Black Panther’s costumes. I didn’t notice, but the colorist might have slipped now and then.
The Trek book isn’t really bad, it’s just full of shoddy writing, when they don’t spend the slightest amount of time to research Klingon anatomy, or when it shows that they don’t understand Klingon culture.
I know you can write something without being a fan, but familiarizing yourself with the subject wouldn’t hurt. In fact, it’s the professional thing to do. If it was just a general Trek book, it wouldn’t be so bad, but it’s an entire mini about Klingons. Did the guy read up on them, or did he just wing it from whatever he remembered from seeing two TNG episodes in 1989? Methinks the latter.
Superman/Batman, on the other hand, sucks. Like someone commented on my site “it sounds like it’s a steaming pile of shit”.
Thanks for the comments Guvnor; what do you think of the new, shorter column?
May 31st, 2007 at 4:07 am
I’m such a dolt…. in my haste to post this column last night, I forgot to write up the title for each nit, as I always do… ah well… at least I can go back and fix my mistakes without retconning.
June 6th, 2007 at 11:21 pm
I enjoy a good healthy nitpick as much as the next fellow, but I do feel the need to defend myself a little on a couple of points.
The narration wasn’t saying that Gralmek was dishonorable in his failure, just stating the fact that his failure was undeniable. I don’t think that necessarily goes against established Klingon culture. Sure, there’s honor in dying in battle, and there’s even some honor to be found in trying and failing, but I don’t think it’s a Klingon precept to coddle failure, instead of calling it for what it is.
As for the doctor’s description of the differences between human and Klingon anatomy, it didn’t seem like the time for a full Klingon anatomy lesson there, just a quick conversational aside about what might be noticed. We’re not wrong there, just a little vague in order to save some space. I think a large ribcage can fairly be described as “more substantial,” for example.
In terms of the surgery scene, if you didn’t buy it, you didn’t buy it. We really wanted to get across the callousness of the Klingon doctors here (especially since if this first volunteer died on the table, they’d just go get another one), but if it didn’t work for you, it didn’t work.
No contest on the Klingon feet. Just a miss there.
We’re all longtime TREK fans and did tons of research on this, and I gotta call a bit of a foul at the accusation that the above nitpicks prove that we “don’t spend the slightest amount of time to research Klingon anatomy,” or “don’t understand Klingon culture.”
Nitpicks aside, it sounds like you enjoyed the issue more than you disliked it, so I’ll take that and tuck it under my arm as I take my leave. Thanks for reading.
June 7th, 2007 at 4:45 am
Scott, thanks for the comments, and first of all, let me say that yes, I am enjoying your book, I’m looking forward to the upcoming issues. I understand your point on saving space, I just felt it was a little bit too non-specific for my tastes.
On the honor and failure part, we’ll have to disagree, I don’t think Klingons would coddle failrue, but I think that trying your hardest, even if you fail, would be seen as honorable (although not as honorable as actually succeeding, of course).
As for the surgery, yes, I don’t buy it. They’re not cavemen playing with power tools, they have medical science that, while inferior to the Federation’s, is much more advanced than what we have today. And I sincerely doubt that they’d just shrug and move to the next volunteer; being a warrior culture does not mean they just waste lives like that. But again, we’ll have to agree to disagreee.
As for my comments, well, allow me to quote the disclaimer that’s linked on top of my column: “This column and its author do not aim to insult the creators and editors hereby mentioned, or to belittle the work they do. It is written partially in-character, as The Nitpicker is a semi-fictitious persona that, for all his similarities with the writer, is considerably less tolerant than the real MaGnUs is. And although the sarcastic, and even sometimes sardonic tone of the writing might belie it, MaGnUs (and even his evil alter ego, The Nitpicker), have nothing but the utmost respect for said creators and editors, and a deep appreciation for the hard work they do.”
I’ve always been very nitpicky, and if I must say so myself, quite observant, and when the idea for this column came to me (back when I started running it on the CBEM, may it RIP); I decided to be as acid as possible. Over the course of time, The Nitpicker, as a persona, grew to be a caricature of myself, and he’s more acid and unforgiving than I actually am. That’s why I sign the column as The Nitpicker, and not as MaGnUs (as I sign other articles and reviews I write).
As a fellow writer, I’m sure you’ll understand that the views of character don’t necessarily reflect those of the writer. I mean, I really hope, for the sake of your neighbors and co-workers, that you don’t think like a Klingon. :P
Just in case, the link to the disclaimer on each column will also include the following text: Angry creators, please read. Who knows, maybe Old Testament god will make an appearance.
Thank you again, very much, for the comments, and I hope you don’t take them as an attempt to offend you or attack you in any way. To quote my disclaimer (or ass-coverer, as I like to call it) again “MaGnUs (and even his evil alter ego, The Nitpicker), have nothing but the utmost respect for said creators and editors, and a deep appreciation for the hard work they do. Except, of course, for Rob Liefield and that writer I named the Bazzar scale after… sorry, I can’t help it, The Nitpicker is stronger than I am…”
June 7th, 2007 at 4:55 am
Yes, I know, I wrote “fairlue”….
June 7th, 2007 at 5:05 am
Oh, one more thing, I know how to prove that Scott isn’t really a Klingon. If he was one, he’d already be kicking my ass from here to Qo’noS.
June 8th, 2007 at 7:42 am
The only question I have is: was the Klingon blood pink like in Star Trek 6? I guess REAL men wear / bleed pink…
June 8th, 2007 at 6:06 pm
Well, once again, we never have anyone say that failure is dishonorable, just that it’s not something they’re real pleased with. In fact, in the scene at the end of the issue where Gralmek gets his discommendation, he’s even told, “While there is no glory in honest failure, neither is there shame in it.”
As for your column in general, the fact that you’re not approaching this from a mean-spirited place is pretty clear, and the column is plenty funny. If it hadn’t been for the asides in the comments that accused us of not doing any research and not understanding the characters, I doubt I would have commented at all.
As for the Klingon blood issue, it was only pink in STAR TREK VI. In all the TV series and in GENERATIONS, it was red, so that’s what we’re going with.
June 8th, 2007 at 11:25 pm
Scott, you’re right about that final comment. Again, let me say that I look forward to the rest of the series.
I’m glad you noticed that I’m not being mean-spirted about this, although The Nitpicker might be, it’s that figment of my imagination that accuses you of not doing research. If I was writing a review instead of a Nitpicker’s column, I would have still criticized the same things, but in a completely different way.
About the blood, I didn’t worry about that, because, as you said, the only place where the blood was pink was in Star Trek VI. The reason was, according to all the web sources I could find (you guys might have somebody at Paramount to ask) is that red blood was deemed to realistic by the powers-that-be, so they made it pink. When that wasn’t an issue when they did the TV shows or Generations, they did the blood a regular red.
The best explanation (non-canon, of course) I found for the pink blood, is that when the Klingon ship in VI was attacked, some conduit broke, and a gas of some sort interacted with the blood, turning it pink. Kind of like human blood turning green when somebody suffers of sulfhemoglobinemia, or normal blood turning bright red when in contact with oxygen.
Thanks again Scott.
June 9th, 2007 at 2:05 am
We actually do have a marvelous licensing liaison at Paramount who approves everything, from plot to script to art. She’s been the resident Trek authority for years, overseeing everything from comics to video games to novels. She wrote the official DS9 Companion reference book, in fact.
I’m frankly stunned she missed the unridged Klingon feet…
June 12th, 2007 at 2:27 am
Scott, read my other columns, I know there’s some stuff that is slightly subjective, but there’s stuff worse than the Klingon feet that gets missed time and again in all kinds of books.
Even with editors, assistant editors, and proofreading departments, things still get missed. And that’s where I come in. :P