Results from Gerweck.net.

X-Division Champion Chris Sabin retained over Jay Lethal and Sonjay Dutt. I’m actually shocked that Jay Lethal did not get the win considering he was actually over with the crowd, but maybe TNA will give a feud between him and Sabin a chance to develop and be showcased. Then again, maybe Hell will have frozen over by that time too. This was your by-the-numbers 3-way dance: the challengers teamed up against the champ, turned on each other, then let the champ take over. Nice action, including a spot where Sabin tied both Lethal and Dutt into the tree of woe. Sabin won by shoving Sonjay into Lethal and rolling up Dutt for the win. This was a hot opener, and Sabin really does deserve a long run as champ to cement his place on the roster like AJ got. After the match, Lethal and Dutt fought each other, Kevin Nash tried to break it up, Dutt kicked Nash in the leg, and left. Am I the only one that thinks adding Kevin Nash to anything in TNA makes it worse? Apparently Nash will get Sonjay this Thursday on Impact.

Robert Roode defeated Jeff Jarrett. Lots of stuff outside the ring to start, and then plenty of interference from Our Ms. Brooks. She kept the referee from seeing Roode tap out to Jarrett’s figure-four, and later pulled the ref out of the ring after Jarrett hit the Stroke on Roode. She’s finally ejected, but then Jarrett pulled open his shirt to reveal a blue costume with a red “S” underneath. Roode punched Double J with a pair of brass knuckles. 2 count. Remember when that would end a match? Ref stopped a gee-tar shot on Jarrett, but Roode blocked the Stroke and hit the Payoff to win. Moderately clean win for Roode by Jarrett standards, I guess, although I’m surprised they didn’t have 10 guys with chainsaws come out to help Roode FINALLY defeat the promoter’s son. I mean, they were poised to do that after the brass knuck spot. Eh. Somebody must have read my mail last week, because I’m 0-2 so far on finishes. After the match, Ms. Brooks returned to help dish it out on Jarrett, but then Eric Young ran in for the save and to help administer stereo figure-fours. How exactly does any of this really help EY?

Christopher Daniels defeated Rhino. Daniels wore a Sting mask and carried a baseball bat to the ring, which would be a VERY nice feud to see here. Sweet little match that ended a little too quickly, maybe. Daniels popped Rhino with the bat to get the win. I know he’s a heel, but we ALL know he could beat Rhino cleanly. Ah well. That’s psychology, I guess. After the match, Daniels ran off, but Rhino dragged him back to the ring and beat the crap out of him with a chair. Security broke it up while Daniels licked his own blood and smiled. Gross. Shouldn’t that aftermath have been the other way around maybe? Why did Rhino need to get back his heat? I don’t get it…

Basham & Damaja defeated Kip James in a 2-on-1 Handicap Match. Earlier in the show, they announced that the Bashams attacked BG James at an event that sent him to the hospital. Haven’t read any news on this, but it smells like somebody tried to hold them hostage for money and they decided to run the show without him. Apparently Lance Hoyt was supposed to be BG’s replacement, but his flight was delayed. SURRRRRRRRRE. The match? YAWN. Who cares about any of them? Whoever still is pushing VKM thinks it’s still 1998, and signing the Bashams was about the biggest case of desperate WWE envy I’ve ever seen. After the match, the Bashams beat down Kip James and Lance Hoyt ran in for the save. Whatever.

Wildcat Chris Harris defeated Cowboy James Storm in a Texas Death Match. In case you’re not familiar with the rules, you pin your opponent, and then he has to answer a 10 count in order for the match to continue. I never understood the purpose of this, because it seems like nobody ever gets a 2 count in the match to mix things up. Anyway, the juice was loose, and the guys went all over the building hitting their spots on each other. The big spot of the match was when Harris speared Storm to the floor and through a table… apparently that caused Storm to bleed ad nauseum. Jackie Moore ran in, but Gail Kim made the save. The match ended when Harris broke a beer bottle over Storm’s head and won the match. You build the match with them getting out of all those spots, but you hit the guy in the head with a bottle, and he goes under? Do Miller Lite bottles come in titanium now. Apparently the bloodbath was so bad that they had to change the ring canvas after the match. Yuck.

Jerry Lynn defeated Alex Shelley, Senshi, and Tiger Mask. Pretty slow match for the X-Division and not a good follow-up to the big plunder-fest. Lynn can work, but it’s strange they want to push a 40-something guy over all these younger guys. Lynn rolled through a hurricarana attempt from Shelley for the win. After the match, Shelley attacked Lynn, Chris Sabin joined in, and Bob Backlund made the save. There’s my answer to the 40-something question. In comparison to Backlund, I guess Jerry Lynn is the younger guy. Ecch.

World Tag Team Champions Team 3D retained over LAX and Scott Steiner & Tomko. Apparently Steiner and Tomko are having a fight over Tomko getting to the arena late. Yeah, but cheer-up fellas… make-up sex is always great. The fans dropped the John Cena reaction on the ex-Dudleys with a “3D Sucks” chant. Extremely crappy wrestling all around, as the whole match was set up to get over the Tomko/Steiner feud, which equals MEGABUCK$ and MEGARATINGZ.

Samoa Joe defeated AJ Styles. Earlier in the show, Styles asked Christian Cage and Scott Steiner if they had his back, and neither answered. Honestly, I don’t think I’d want Scott Steiner to have my back unless I had a couple of mirrors to keep an eye on it. Nice back-and-forth match that just seems to have been thrown in at the last minute once it was evident how sucky the card was. Short by their standards, Joe worked a knee injury, but then played possum and hit Styles with a submission. Joe hit Styles with a suplex for the win. Decent, but short match. Why not bump off some of the crap so they can get 25 to 30 minutes?

In the main event, Kurt Angle defeated Christian Cage and Sting to become the new World Heavyweight Champion. Earlier in the show, Angle said that Sting is a cartoon character, while he’s a wrestler. Angle’s a drug addict too, but no one’s counting. Now it’s Kurt Angle’s turn to wear Jeff Jarrett’s Superman suit. He hit Christian with 8 straight German suplexes, and then hit a double-German on both Sting and Cage from the top rope. Submission city for Sting and Angle, but then Angle got double ankle locks on both Sting and Christian. Can Angle also bend steel with his bare hands? They came up with THE CRAPPIEST FINISH ON EARTH where Sting pinned Christian while simultaneously tapping out to the ankle lock. Angle was announced as the winner and new champion, but they didn’t give him the title belt. Have there ever been championships that have been decided so undecidedly with such frequency as TNA’s titles? Well, then again, I guess they’re just props that the wrestlers wear. Using that logic, the NWA World Title has the same importance as The Badd Blaster and Hercules’ chains.

Ugh… don’t ever bother watching this. Hopefully the couple of excellent matches will end up on somebody’s comp DVD later on.

Next time, on Slammiversary, new TNA belts with the same old TNA retreads! Should be fun! Sign me up!

Maybe WWE will be able to do something better this Sunday, although beating this show ain’t sayin’ much…

This entry was posted on Monday, May 14th, 2007 at 1:28 pm and is filed under Russ Ray's Rasslin' Ring, The Russ, Wrestling. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments. You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site. Your comments will be moderated but will appear as soon as humanly possible.