WWE Wrestlemania 23 - 4/1/07 - Detroit, MI
Ah, yes… it’s finally over. This year’s April Fool’s joke from Vince McMahon rife with predictability and lumbering 7-footers that nobody wants to pay $50 to see. I guess it’s the spectacle that counts…
The theme of the show is “All Grown Up”, as in “Vince Sr. never thought his boy would succeed in the business by himself more than 4 years.” There’s a rock star stage, Aretha Franklin, PYRO PYRO PYRO and then it’s on.
Mr. Kennedy won the Money in the Bank match. Not much of a surprise there. We all knew going into this that they wouldn’t blow Undertaker’s Wrestlemania streak on Batista (thus setting up the ready-made Kennedy feud), Edge and Randy Orton are soon to feud, and the rest were just there to make everybody else look good. I might have said that CM Punk was the dark horse, but they just don’t seem too intent on pushing anything in ECW right now besides Bobby Lashley when you put them up against the WWE guys. Anyway, it was your typical awesome 20-minute spotfest. Halfway through, Edge and Jeff Hardy rode out on stretchers after Hardy hit a spot on Edge that broke a ladder in half… it seems this was a work, given they both had some injuries leading up to the show. Hornswoggle got involved, and then we saw some midget violence as Kennedy hit him with his top rope fireman’s carry. The finish had CM Punk and Kennedy taking turns at trying to get the briefcase, but Kennedy hit Punk in the face with a ladder, climbed up, and pulled it down for the win.
The Great Khali defeated Kane. It was what it was: 5 minutes of lumbering around and jobbing out to the no-talent Khali so Glen Jacobs can take some time off. I mean, just because he’s a 7-footer doesn’t mean he can work a match. Big Show can work a match, because he plays to the crowd. Khali’s repertoire of working the crowd consists of vacant looks, sweating, and walking around like Frankenstein. Kane gets the first body slam on Khali ever in WWE, but after that, he’s supposedly off the road for an injury time-out. After the match, Khali choked Kane with his chain from See No Evil. I’m surprised that thing never ended up on WWE Auctions or something…
Backstage, Cryme Tyme hosted an ECW Extreme Expose for Eugene with
The Fabulous Moolah, Mae Young, Reverend Slick, Dusty Rhodes, Jimmy Hart, Irwin R. Schyster, Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat (owns his ring name again), and Ron Simmons. In other words, it was an excuse to get the old-timers on the show so we remember how great the WWE used to be. Great strategy there, V.
WWE U.S. Champion Chris Benoit retained his title over Montel Vontavious Porter. Pairing MVP up with Benoit is like putting peanut butter and jelly on prime rib. Or something. Anyway, JBL apparently tried to compare MVP to Bret Hart and Eddie Guerrero, and there were instant and simultaneous riots in Canada and Mexico in response. The crowd died for this one until Benoit made his comeback. My opinion on Porter is pretty obvious: great gimmick, lousy worker, and horrible ring attire. Benoit won with the flying headbutt.
Backstage, Donald Trump and former Miss USA Tara Conner were confronted by The Boogeyman. Conner ran away in fear, but Trump wasn’t scared and told him to get him a sandwich. Boogeyman offered up a worm sandwich. I wish dude would have stayed fired last year. Good thing Trump doesn’t work for OVW, because Jim Cornette would have came out of the back and slapped the shit out of him for that. Funny how Cornette got fired for protecting the business, but then a one-timer like Trump gets to come in and do the same thing. Then again, Vinnie Mac and Trump were on the Today show this morning all buddy-buddy (see picture below), so I guess the boss doesn’t have to kayfabe.
Lilian Garcia announced that Wrestlemania set a new Ford Field attendance record, surpassing even the Super Bowl. Well, to be fair, the Super Bowl was contested in most of Wrestlemania’s seating area, so that’s not much of a comparison.
The Class of 2007 Hall of Fame was introduced: Jim Ross, “Mr. Perfect” Curt Hennig’s wife and father, Jerry “The King” Lawler, Nick Bockwinkel, Mr. Fuji (in a wheelchair), The Wild Samoans, The Sheik’s wife, and “The American Dream” Dusty Rhodes.
The Undertaker defeated Batista to become the new World Heavyweight Champion. Again, that wasn’t a surprise given Batista’s lackluster effort since his return and his alleged behavior backstage. I think the ring entrances took longer than the actual match. Batista actually seemed more motivated for this match than most, going off the top rope at one point and despite the fact that the crowd was not on his side. Undertaker kicked out of two Batista Bombs before winning with the Tombstone.
Backstage, Stephanie McMahon took baby Aurora Rose to see her grandfather. Vince told her what he would do to Donald Trump, and then claimed that the baby made a “Trump” in her pants. Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!!! Nothing like making bathroom jokes at the “showcase of the immortals.”
The ECW Originals defeated The New Breed in an 8-man tag team match. I like how they cut the balls off of all these guys even at Wrestlemania by banning all the “Extreme Rules” stuff, but then, I guess this is not your father’s ECW, it’s Vince McMahon’s ECW. Rob Van Dam won with a frog splash on Matt Striker. This was actually the only finish of the show that surprised me.
ECW Champion Bobby Lashley defeated WWE Intercontinental Champion Umaga in a “Hair vs. Hair” Match. Donald Trump gave away some of Vince McMahon’s money again during his entrance. Early in the match, Umaga got into it with Stone Cold after refusing to break a chokehold. Austin broke it himself with an elbow drop and pulling on his hair. McMahon attempted to get involved too, but Lashley knocked him off the ring apron. After both men ended up down on the mat, Stone Cold completed a 9-count before deciding there would be no countouts. Shane McMahon ran out to check on Vince and distracted Austin so that Umaga could hit him with a Samoan Spike. Shane and Umaga double-teamed Lashley, then Vince throw a garbage can into the ring so that Shane could hit a Van Terminator on Lashley. Oh, so the ECW guys can’t get extreme, but the boss and his son that wrestle twice a year get all the plunder? Hm. Anyway, Shane pulls off his shirt and underneath… manboobs, no… April Fools! He just happens to have on a referee shirt and tried to count down Lashley, but Stone Cold pulled him out of the ring and threw him into the ringside steps. Trump punched McMahon outside the ring. Everybody fights! It’s a mess! Fast forward! Austin hit a Stunner on Ooga-Booga, followed by a spear from Lashley. After the match, Vince protested, and Shane tried to attack Austin. Stunner for him! Vince ran off, but Austin, Lashley, and Trump caught him and held him down in the barber’s chair. Hair came off with clippers, and then Trump got out shaving cream and razors to finish the job. Stunner for Trump, Austin violates his wife-beating probation by drinking beer, but now everybody’s happy, so who cares? Man, I got exhausted just writing all that…
Apparently Carlito & Ric Flair defeated Chavo Guerrero & Gregory Helms in a Lumberjack Match. That was a dark match taped for the DVD.
WWE Women’s Champion Melina retained her title over Ashley in a Lumberjill Match. I could recap it for you, but somehow I doubt you care about monkey flips and would rather know if anybody had a wardrobe malfunction. Things are sure different now that Trish is gone.
WWE Champion John Cena retained his title over Shawn Michaels. Cena apparently was late to the show, because he sped through town trying to make it on time, and he ended up crashing his car through the entrance. Or something. Some fan tried to jump in the ring before the match started, but the referee took him down before anything happened. For a match without plunder and 500 run-ins, this one was probably the best of the night. At one point, Michaels hit a springboard moonsault on Cena through the announcer’s table. Cena worked a knee injury, and HBK got after it, but then later Cena apparently forgot Psychology 101 and was running around with no problems at all. Cena ducked the Sweet Chin Music, and Michaels took out the referee. Michaels hit a piledriver on the ring steps, and then a new referee showed up to count the pin. HBK tuned up the band again, but Cena came after him with a clothesline. F-U on Michaels in mid-air, but nobody can get up. Cena covered with an arm, but Michaels kicked out. The crowd was pretty happy at this point. More finisher attempts until HBK actually hit Cena with the Sweet Chin Music, but Cena kicked out. Michaels got caught in the STF-U and tapped out. Cena celebrated with PYRO PYRO PYRO, but then he tried to shake hands with Michaels, but he ain’t havin’ none and walked off.
Confetti fell, there’s a video, and we’re out!
For $50, there ain’t no way I’d buy this on PPV. Wait until the DVD comes out if you want to see Vince McMahon get his head shaved so badly. By the way, why is Vince badly breaking kayfabe a day later by laughing about his bald head and standing next to the guy he was against last night while he’s grinning like an idiot? I mean, I know it’s entertainment, but it also insults my intelligence. Was it just because he got some run on the Today show? Sheesh…
April 4th, 2007 at 3:49 pm
Wrestlemania was so cool!!! i liked all of those intense momemts. i would have liked to gone in person but i didnt have the money but even on t.v it was superrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr cool!!!!!!!!!