[[WARNING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS!]]

Well, I’m back. I’ve been chastised by friends and readers that I don’t update this blog more oftenly. A particular friend, writer and local media celebrity Nacho Alcuri, told me that I should only do two or three nits at a time, more like a blog entry than a column, which is what I’m used to.

But I can’t, I need to do columns, it’s my style. So, anyway, Civil War is over, so let’s have the Civil War-related nits that I still had in my backburner. I was going to include a handful of 52 nits I also have in my files (you wouldn’t believe how much stuff I have to write about); but I decided to save them until 52 is finished, and I can do a special 52 issue.

I’m going to try and post a new column next week; with nits from other March issues; and then after that, try to post a column at least every week or two, with nits I find on the latest books released. Well, enough chatter, here goes the last volley of Civil War nits.

“PFFFF… WHOEVER HEARD OF AN UNDERWATER CIVILIZATION?”

TITLE: Civil War: Front Line.

ISSUE: 07 of 11.

CULPRIT: Paul Jenkins (writer).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 30, part of the “Sleeeper Cell” story, one of the cops examining the scene says about the Atlanteans “You’re not serious. These are those Atlantis guys? I thought they were supposed to be a myth.”

First of all, with all the stuff that you see in the Marvel Universe (mutants, gods, planet devourers, super soldiers, aliens, etc, etc), how can you doubt the existence of an underwater race?

Secondly, Atlantis, with or without Namor as their leader, has attacked the surface world over and over again, with news coverage almost every time. Even Dorma (I think it was her) was on live TV pleading for Namor in an old Daredevil issue. Not to mention Namor in the news every now and then, and he’s part of history with his participation in the WWII Invaders. How can somebody, much less a police detective, think they were just a myth?

NIT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars, floppy writing.

“EXTREME MAKEOVER.”

TITLE: Civil War: Front Line.

ISSUE: 07 of 11.

CULPRIT: Eduardo Barreto (penciller) , Tom Brevoort (editor), Molly Lazer & Aubrey Sitterson (assistant editors), and Sotocolor’s A. Crossley (colorist).

NIT-TO-PICK: Also in the Sleeper Cell story, on all pages showing the Atlanteans, they are mostly dark-haired (with dreadlock style doos), and one or two are bald; they’re all wearing pants with high-tech look (strange, but what the hell), and one of them is even wearing a white t-shirt and jeans.

However, by the next segment, where the battle between the Atlanteans and the Green Goblin is compared to the Somme Offensive in WWI, my good compatriot and acquaintance Eduardo Barreto (who I must say does a superb job of drawing the WWI scenes) draws the Atlanteans in completely different clothes (barbarian-style), wearing scale-speedos, bracers and armored shoulder padds, and with long flowing hair, which Crossley colors blond!

Not happy with that, Barreto also draws Wonder Man with a long-sleeved costume (as opossed to the short-sleeved one he wears on Sleeper Cell); actually, it’s not just the sleeves, it’s a different costume design. He also draws the Green Goblin with a cape, and riding a very different glider.

Now this is what I call a cluster-fu… nit…. The blame here is not particularly on the artist and colorist (the former most likely having not read any of Civil War, I know he’s not much of a superhero comic fan), but more properly on the editor and his assistants. If you’re having an artist draw something which is based upon another story, can’t you at least send him some scans of the other artist’s pages for reference?

You’ll notice that I’ve mentioned the editor and assistant editors as culprits here, and if you look at the rules I’ve set for myself since the begining (you can see them in the blog’s first post, or in the post before the last one, where I reposted my first column), I think editors are always to blame in this case; but I don’t bother mentioning them. But this time, this was too big, they needed to be pointed at with “shame on you” faces.

NIT-O-METER: I know I’m being anal, this is not a story-affecting nit, but it is too big a screw-up. 10 Bazzars.

“I JUST WANTED TO TOUCH AN X-MAN.”

TITLE: Civil War: X-Men.

ISSUE: 04 of 04.

CULPRIT: David Hine (writer), and/or Yanick Paquette (penciller).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 20, when Cyclops cannot stop firing his optic beam (he’s being controlled, y’see), Leech is the only one who can stop him… by touch. Leech does not need to touch somebody to nullify their powers, his mutant ability works by proximity.

NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars, please research a character’s powers. Of course, you can retcon this and say that, when it’s too much power to absorb, he needs to touch his target for his power to work, but… bleh…

“CHEAP DRUNK.”

TITLE: New Avengers.

ISSUE: 24.

CULPRIT: Brian Michael Bendis (writer).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 22, panel 4, Iron Man says “You think I wouldn’t love to just sit alone in a room with a bottle of Johnny Walker Black and forget all of this?” He’s one of the richest men on the world, and he thinks about drinking JW Black Label?!?!?!?!? WTF??!??! He should be drinking BLUE label, which is the blend that’s aged the most (and also the most expensive, nacht). In fact, he’d drink here. Follow the link and tell me if you don’t agree with me that Iron Man would drink that kind of Johnny Walker.

NIT-O-METER: 6 Bazzars. Bendis, you’re a cheapass.

“NAMOR WHO?”

TITLE: Civil War: Front Line.

ISSUE: 08 of 11.

CULPRIT: Paul Jenkins (writer).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 28, first panel, here we go again. Two mounted cops comment on the Atlantis situation saying “…so everything comes to a halt just because some no-name country sends spies through our borders (…)”. Again, Atlantis has tried to invade the surface world (always starting by New York) almost on a yearly basis.

NIT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars. Paul, please, read up on Marvel history. Just because you created that retcon-monster of the Sentry doesn’t mean you get to ignore Marvel’s rich history. What’s next, somebody being surprised next time Galactus shows up for lunch?

TITLE: Black Panther V4.

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Marcus To (penciller).

NIT-TO-PICK: On page 9, panel 3, the Wakandan embassy employees are using an operating system which, besides looking suspiciously like Windows or Mac, says, in plain English “FILES DELETED”.

Now, why would one of the Marvel Universe’s Earth world leaders in technology, who vehemently eschew western technology in favor of their own, use an OS in English? It’s not impossible, but it’s very unlikely.

NIT-O-METER: 4 Bazzars.

TITLE: Black Panther V4.

ISSUE: 25.

CULPRIT: Reginald Hudlin (writer).

NIT-TO-PICK: Page 22 has the Invisible Woman and Storm root for Hercules in his fight against Clor, in a completely uncharacteristic and schoolgirl-like behaviour, ending with a “Wow, what a finish!” cheer from Storm.

Not only this is awfuly bad characterization for these two heroines, it’s also something inmensely stupid to do while there’s a gigantic superhero battle raging on in the middle of New York City.

NIT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars, come on Reggie, you can do better!

“DAMMIT WONG! WHERE ARE MY ANIMAL PRINT GLOVES?”

TITLE: Civil War: The Confession.

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Dave Stewart (colorist, sequences from Illuminati one-shot).

NIT-TO-PICK: Part of this issue reprints panels from The New Avengers: Illuminati one-shot that preceeded Civil War, and they’ve not corrected the errors that I found there. The first is the fact that on page 10, panel 4, Dr. Strange is wearing blue gloves, instead of his trademark leopard print ones.

NIT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars, at least this time they didn’t make his gloves come and go, they just made a mistake on the colors.

“I SHAVED. THE MUSTACHE WAS TOO FREDDY MERCURY-ISH.”

TITLE: Civil War: The Confession.

ISSUE: One-shot.

CULPRIT: Alex Maleev (penciler) and/or Dave Stewart (colorist).

NIT-TO-PICK: On the same panel, Dr. Strange is missing his mustache, not to mention the gray hair on his temples.

NIT-O-METER: 8 Bazzars, it was 7 last time, but this is a repeat offense.

“NOW? WHEN DO I SHOOT THEM? DO I SHOOT THEM NOW?”

TITLE: Punisher War Journal V2.

ISSUE: 05.

CULPRIT: Matt Fraction (writer).

NIT-TO-PICK: On Civil War #6, The Punisher is with the rest of Cap’s faction, when Diamondback brings in supervillains Goldbug and The Plunderer (who want to offer their help to the anti-Registration side), and Frank shoots the villains and kills them.

However, in this issue of Punisher War Journal, Captain America is meeting the two villains along with Luke Cage and Patriot, and Frank eavesdrop on the conversation from behind the door, enters the room and shoots Goldbug and Plunderer.

NIT-O-METER: 10 Bazzars, please guys, coordinate these things.

Well, the final wave of Civil War nits came up with an average of 7.8; much higher than last time’s 5.7; in fact, the highest since… fricking ever! The highest average was 6.4 back on column #2!!!

Let me go over the numbers again…. yes, 7.8…. dayamn!!! It was an 8.3 before I added in two nits that had escaped my sight (they were actually filed in another computer), but still, 7.8 is high.

Catch you later, hopefully next week.

BETTIE PAGE BY OLIVIA 

 If you thought that the pairing of the world’s premiere pin-up artist Olivia, and the most celebrated pin-up model Bettie Page, would be a match made in Heaven, you would be one-hundred percent correct. Like peanut butter and chocolate, the two were made for each other. Bettie Page by Olivia is a brand new book from Ozone Productions featuring over 50 paintings of the reclusive Ms. Page by Olivia.

Hugh Hefner provides the foreward to the book that gives Page & Olivia fans 80 pages of delectable art. Why Hefner? Well who better? Page appeared as a centerfold in the magazine in the 50’s and many of Olivia’s Page paintings first appeared in Playboy.

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Guest Editorial
by John Krull

Two months ago, a sophomore student journalist at Woodlan Jr.-Sr. High School just outside Ft. Wayne advanced a disturbing message in an opinion piece in the Tomahawk, the student newspaper.

She said it was a good idea to be nice to people, regardless of their sexual orientation.

Stunned, the East Allen County Schools administrators reacted.

Shortly after the piece appeared, they sent the newspaper’s adviser, Amy Sorrell, a warning letter. When the students on the newspaper staff wanted to meet with the principal, the superintendent and the school board, the school system’s leaders refused to talk with the students.

Then the school system adopted a new student newspaper policy that gave the principal the right to censor anything with which he might disagree and denied students, teachers and parents the right to contact a lawyer if they disagreed with him.

That wasn’t enough, though.

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Though I love quite a few female musicians, I must admit that I have a clear favorite in terms of voice. While my love for Toni Halliday of Curve and Debbie Harry (who probably kick-started my puberty at age eight) is well-documented, and while I have nothing but respect for the voices of Aretha and Christina and the attitude of Tina, and while I dig Siouxsie Sioux and Shirley Manson, and while I could go on . . . my favorite female voice in music comes from Margo Timmins of the Cowboy Junkies. Alternately smooth, languid, sensual and chilling, with her brother Michael’s underrated guitar as a counterpoint, she squeezes every turn of phrase for maximum heartbreak.

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When I first saw the teaser trailer for the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, I was as ecstatic as one could get for an upcoming movie (and believe me, I can get pretty ecstatic for new movies; years of film critic-ing hasn’t been able to beat my enthusiasm for the medium out of me just yet).

It literally looked like its creators had somehow discovered exactly what I used to imagine between the panels of the old Mirage Ninja Turtles comics, back when it was still prefaced by Eastman and Laird’s and had the blocky, chunky text logo, and committed it to film.

As the release date crept closer and the other trailer made it online, my enthusiasm wilted. I didn’t see a lot of ninja action, but I did see a lot of monsters, a turtle on a motorcycle wearing head to toe armor (with pig ears on the helmet?), and some skate-boarding in the sewers, much like one of the many lame scenes in the original live-action film. I also heard a lot of crappy dialogue, and more than enough out of Michelangelo to make me want to stab him in the face until he stopped talking.

By the time the screening rolled around, I went from super-excited to cautiously optimistic. Perhaps I benefited from lowering my expectations, but I really enjoyed the film (You can read to what degree and why here at donewaiting.com, which is the online home of my film reviews).

I had a lot of questions going in though, and just had to wait until I saw it to get answers to them. Well, you don’t, because I’m here to answer all of your hypothetical questions. Ready?

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I posted a short book review over on my blog. Go check it out here.

Also, Gerweck.net has a review up of the new Wrestlemania III Championship Edition DVD (linked through here). It looks very cool, and I look forward to getting my copy. Hopefully, WWE will release similar historical editions in the future. Please make sure to check out my classy treatment of Koko B. Ware’s bird (R.I.P.).

On April 21st, Shots in the Dark (the new Shotgun Reviews podcast - how’d you miss that announcement?) will be holding a launch party in Chicago to celebrate the momentous occasion. It will be a crazy, all-day shindig that will be part comic book convention, part gaming event, part concert… a little of everything that the Shots in the Dark crew loves. Best of all, we’re donating half of the proceeds from the event to The Hero Initiative (www.heroinitiative.org).

So how can you help? We need donations of comic books and video games. The comics we’ll be selling for .25 each, and the games for $5 each. Also, if you’re a writer or artist in the Chicago area, we would love to set you up with a table so you can harass our loyal fans.  If you’re a writer or artist that can’t make it to our event, signed copies of your work that we can raffle or auction off would be much appreciated!  And if you’re a band, then we’d love for you to play a set! If you can’t help in any of these ways, but you want to help, still contact us and we’ll figure something out!

If you want more information on where to send donations, or any of the other things listed above, contact Janelle at NekointheDark@gmail.com.

More details about the actual event will be released soon!

This is one of those movies that seems out of place in a spring line-up; Reign Over Me is a sensibly emotive drama about Charlie Fineman, played by Adam Sandler, who suffers from Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome after losing his entire family during the events of 9/11. Don Cheadle plays Alan Johnson, Fineman’s college roommate–who also suffers from the pangs of complacency in his work environment and his home. Taking place in New York City, one serendipitous day, Johnson finds Fineman on his way home from work only to discover that Fineman is troubled. In the hopes of avoiding his own problems Johnson strikes out to save his former friend from the demons that haunt him.

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