Shotgun Reviews
by Troy Brownfield

Let’s knock another of these out.

Pefect Pitch: Never again shall there be a need for celebrities in commercials, for perfection has been attained. How, do you ask? Because Jennifer Love Hewitt is now doing bra ads for Hanes. Never before has there been such a perfect union of celebrity spokesperson and product. We can now dismiss all future attempts at celebrity shilling, because you won’t ever find a more appropriate pitch-person.

I will, however, allow exceptions in the following cases:

Slash for liquor: This just makes sense.

Britney Spears for Schick: Hey, she’s out now. Open season.

Lindsay Lohan for Penicillin: I remind all you litigious types that satire is indeed protected speech.

Ron Artest for Crazy: We hold these truths to be self-evident.

Attorney Howard K. Stern for bleach: Because very little makes me feel dirtier than seeing that guy.

Ann Coulter for silence: Pay her whatever is required.

George W. Bush for Haliburton: Really, have they ever had a better friend?

Blanket Exception: Gerard Butler for anything, as long as he does it as King Leonidis:
“Mufflers? THIS IS MEINEKE!”
“Pastries? THIS IS HOSTESS!”
“Carbonation? THIS IS COKE!”
“Insurance? THIS IS GEICO!”
“Women’s Hygeine? THIS IS MASSENGILL!”

You get the idea.

The Great Ass-Shaking Summit of 2007: So Beyonce and Shakira have a new duet out. MTV, the friend of lonely men everywhere since 1981. Seriously, does anyone think for a second that this wasn’t cooked up simply based on the hotness factor of the women involved? Beyonce is a decent vocalist, but Shakira runs from merely passable to occasionally frighteningly goatlike (witness “Underneath Your Clothes”, an aural assault on the order of the second week of American Idol). Whatever the case, I’m sure it will be a huge hit and cause a sharp spike in carpal tunnel syndrome for twelve year old boys.

Comic Films: It bears repeating: despite some recently ill-advised articles to the contrary, comic-based films aren’t a trend. 300, TMNT, and Ghost Rider all opened at number one, and strong number ones at that. My take on this is that for the most part, comic-based films have simply replaced the majority of traditional action cinema. Witness the poor bow for this week’s “Shooter”. Unless it’s motivated by a completely gonzo approach or by an extreme talent at the helm (for example, “The Departed”, which is much more than simple action), your traditional gun-wiedling fare has just lost steam. Sure, “Casino Royale” did well, and the next “Bourne” film probably has lots of money to make, but those are series-based characters that traditionally incorporate other elements (for example, the notably long gadget history of Bond, or Bourne’s recurrent memory plotlines).

Really, this is similar to the recent overturn in horror. The pendulum in that genre has swung to a more real-world, torture-based aesthetic. Certainly there will still be monster movies (and there are more zombie flicks, like “28 Weeks Later” and a “Dawn of the Dead” remake sequel on the horizon), but the current impetus is toward pretty people in unpretty situations.

An argument could be made that audience tastes have simply gotten more extreme in every direction. Horror has to be more graphic, action has to be more epic, and comedy has to be either more broad (Will Farrell) or R-rated (Wedding Crashers, et al). I don’t think that this is motivated by desensitization, necessarily, but more by the notion that we’ve essentially already seen everything before. Now, we as audience members are looking for something new. Comic films are a great exemplar of that. Even though we’d seen Superman before, we’d never seen Superman catch a plane in a fashion that spectacular. Even though we’ve seen guys in sandals fighting with swords before, we’ve never seen how Frank does it on the screen. And so on. It only means the comic-based films aren’t going anywhere. Anywhere, apparently, except for the top of the box office.

Music: So, what’s really happening in music these days? Pop radio seems delightfully fragmented. Use the comment space below: what’s on your turntable/PC/portable device?

Catch you soon, kids.

This entry was posted on Monday, March 26th, 2007 at 12:25 pm and is filed under Comics, Culture, Film, Music, Shotgun Reviews (The Column), Troy Brownfield. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments. You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site. Your comments will be moderated but will appear as soon as humanly possible.