Shotgun Reviews: The Column 11-15-06
11.15.06
Yeah, I’m back.
Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-NyAH-nyah: How about those elections? It took a lot longer than I thought, but it looks like the mainstream opinion IS in fact that the controlling party had made a series of not entirely bright moves. I was also surprised that a number of state initiatives revealed that overall, the country is more liberal than the White House thought. In reality, that’s a group that persistently only tried to appeal to one base. And like a parent with several children, you can’t dote on one too long before the other kids get pissed.
Michael Moore wrote an exceedingly funny letter on the topic from his website, assuring the Republicans that things will be just fine. I hope so. In fact, I hope that once the Iraq plan gets an overhaul, we’ll see some real progress in areas that desperately need it, namely our educational system and health care. If you can tell me with a straight face that those two things are fine, you’ve been smoking the same stuff that Syd Barrett used to.
Whole Lott-a Love: Trent Lott is back in a Senate leadership position, having been elected to the GOP’s second slot. You have to love that a guy who got busted down from the main position a few years back for racially inflammatory remarks will a) be a leader of a minority party, and b) have a position called “the whip”. That’s not uncomfortable at all.
“Lips of an Angel” by Hinder: To quote Margaret Whitton from Major League, “I hate this fucking song.” A classically pandering example of fake heavy rock balladry, these few agonizing minutes give us a glimpse of a vocalist who comes across like the love child of Redd Foxx and Joe Cocker during a bout of constipation. Everything about this calculated bid for airplay feels like it was put together with an ’80s hairband model kit, then given a shiny new coat of MySpace-age paint. I know that I’ve said repeatedly that no one ever goes broke writing songs for chicks, but these guys commit the sin of being doubly-unoriginal. Not only do they sound like they stole the Power Ballad playbook, they nicked Extreme’s “More Than Words” twist of doing a song that sounds like a love song that isn’t actually a love song. Lips is really about fantasizing about cheating with your ex while your current girlfriend is in the next room. All class, all the time. Maybe now that the long national nightmare of the K-Fed Nation is over, these aspirant white trash rockers can go back to where they belong: playing Creed covers in some remote bar, wondering why nobody gives a shit.
“Crazy Bitch” by Buckcherry: On the other hand, I like this one. Primarily, that’s because it’s honest. Lyrically, “Hey! You’re a crazy bitch, but you fuck so good I’m on top of it” isn’t going to win an poetry contests, but it doth rock, and verily.
K-Fed and Britney: Game Over: True, they’re done. True, she looks good. But she’s never going to divest herself of that spiritual taint. It would be like if Monica Belucci started banging Dick Cheney. There’s no shower big enough to fix that.
Pimpery: Don’t forget that we’ve got the regular weekly comics review column over at Newsarama.com, Best Shots. I really enjoy doing it, although it can be a drag that some people appear to show up on occasion only to bitch anonymously.
Pacers: We are lost. But not so lost as the Knicks. Anybody who used to whine when I would complain about Thomas back in the day want to email me to stick up for him now?
All for now. See you soon.
Troy Brownfield is the Editor-in-Chief of ShotgunReviews.com. Don’t bother emailing; he still won’t like Hinder.
